Three days to go until the monthly visitor is due to arrive. As of right now I think there is a 50/50 chance I'm pregnant. I haven't really gotten any of the major symptoms yet. Of course, last time I was pregnant I didn't get the symptoms right away either. I stopped taking the birth control pills about a week and a half ago. The last few times I've only half taken the pills the monthly visitor came early. Usually however many days was left on the pills was about, (give or take a day) how many days early I got the monthly visitor. This was one of the main reasons I went back on those minature pink things.

I watch "A Baby Story" sometimes and while I watch it sometimes I think that I wish we were definitly having a baby right now. Other times I watch it, I think to myself "Oh God, I don't know if I can do that!!" I've told my husband I want to try having our kids without drugs. How well I'll do that should be interesting to see. Of course, watching "A Baby Story" makes me think sometimes that maybe it would be easier just go in to the hospital on the day that I'm supposed to be due and saying: "Okay, put me to sleep, wake me when the baby is born."

I kind of wish I didn't have to wait to find out. Patience isn't something I'm good at but I don't have much choice. Everytime I go to the bathroom I keep expecting to find out that the monthly visitor has arrived. In some ways I keep hoping it hasn't, but sometimes fear takes over and I hope that it has.

I look around the apartment we have right now and I think it would be enough room for a baby. I would still like a house though. I think the extra room would be nice and I like houses. Not to mention, moving before a baby comes into the picture would be easier than afterwards.

I know how my parents feel about being grandparents right now. Actually no that's not true. I know how my mother feels about it. My father rarely gives an opinion on anything. Even though I'm not AS nervous to tell them next time, that's not to say that we will be rushing to tell them when I am pregnant again. If there was a way to tell them where we don't have to put up with the yelling I'm sure we'll get again we'd definitly consider it. Last time my mother freaked out and yelled like crazy for half an hour. The time before that when we just thought I was pregnant she cried and said "How could you do this to me??" over and over again. Maybe third time is the charm. Maybe when I'm definitly pregnant next time we could send her a picture..of the baby in the nursery at the hospital after it's been born.