A little while ago my mother and I was watching "Steel Magnolias". I've seen that movie so many times I can memorize every second of dialogue and every action in the movie. I love the movie and I'll keep watching it until my daying day. It's also one of my mother's favorite movies. Well at the end of the movie one of the main characters dies. Her mother has a breakdown at the cemetary. She cries, yells and eventually feels a bit better.

Anyways, my mother is looking at the tv, shakes her head and says "I can't imagine anyone going thru that." Now of course I had to ask for her to be specific, so I could make sure I was justified and getting upset at the right thing. She says "I can't see how anyone deals with losing a child. The thought just..oohh I can't bare to think about it." Yeah well guess what mom..I have to think about it. I think about it every damn day of my life because I DID lose a child.

Now I was starting to take offense. It was like she was trying to get me to agree or something. She continues saying she can't imagine anyone going thru that. However guess what..it got worse!!

I asked her if she knew anyone who had lost a child. Yes that was a not so subtle hint. After a pause, she said "no not really." NO NOT REALLY?!!?!? EXCUSE ME!!??!!?!? HELLO!! Now during this time I was holding something, some wrapper I think. I was seconds away from throwing it. I then asked about that woman she works with who my mother had more compassion for in just a couple days than my mother has had for me about my daughter in the 3 years since it happened. She said "Well yeah..but this is different. It's different and harder when the child is actually born and grows up and you have the memories of it." Spoken perfectly from a person who has never been thru it huh?? Then that woman is brought up again and she said she felt bad for her because "she went thru all that waiting and trying for the baby." She then talks about Skinny Minnie's mother who had 3 children who will stillborn and how it must have been hard for her. Yeah mom keep mentioning everyone else but me..go right ahead!!

So let's see..the character in the movie has it worse because their child was actually born, it grew up and THEN died. This woman my mother knows has it bad because she actually got to hold her baby that died and was able to actually get pictures. Yet, the only memories my daughter I have are of those I got while pregnant and I never got to hold her or even see her!! Oh yeah they got it SOOOOO much worse!!

During all this my mother didn't ONCE say or even hint that she realized I had gone thru the exact thing she was going on about how horrible it must be to go thru something like that. Oh yeah and don't you love how she says she didn't know anyone who had gone thru it then all of sudden she lists people?? One of which is a person she barely talks to and the other is someone she doesn't even like?? What the fuck ever. It hurts like hell that she just sits there and acts like I either don't exist, that what I went thru is no big deal or that my daughter never existed!!

I am SO upset by this but I shouldn't be. I've been subjected to this from her for 3 years and it never changes. We lost the baby 3 years ago next month and call me crazy but the month of May is still a hard month for me to get thru. Yet I'll probably just be called extra sensitive and that I need to "get over it" by my mother.

The baby really didn't mean anything to my mother. The last and just about only thing she ever said about my daughter was a comment she made last year. She said "You should be over that by now." Don't you just love how people who never go thru something seem to think they are experts on the subject??