This is a very long entry but it has to be to tell something that happened to me 5 years ago

Five years ago today my life was changed forever. The events that took place on April 25, 1997 are still very vivid in the minds of those involved. No matter how hard any of us try to forget, we will never be able to.

My husband and I were still boyfriend/girlfriend at the time. To make it clear who I'm talking about I'm going to refer to him in this entry as H/BF. He was living with his parents 200 miles away and I was living with mine. He had come to stay with us for about 6 weeks in February then went back because he was going to try to go back to school and get a degree. He had left on March 30, 1997. Seeing him go back after us being almost inseperable for weeks was extremely hard. We drove him half way and his mother had picked him up. I started crying that morning just before we left and I didn't stop until either late that night or the next day. He promised me he'd come back. It wouldn't be long before we would be together again.

Neither one of us wanted to let go of the other. As my parents pulled away in one direction and his mother pulled away in another, I looked back, watching as long as I could. He on the other hand couldn't look back. He would later say he was afraid he'd change his mind at the last second as he came close to doing numerous times that day.

I tried going back to my college classes, praying the time would go by fast and that I could see my H/BF as soon as possible. It was extremely hard concentrating on my classes and my grades reflected that. My H/BF found out that he had just missed the deadline to register for classes. He thought about coming back.

Meanwhile things were going very badly with my mother. They had been going bad for awhile but they were esculating to worse. I couldn't handle it anymore and my husband had seen first hand lately how she had been treating me. She was mentally abusive, having sudden bursts of anger and saying crazy things. My mother and I visited my H/BF for a weekend. We were allowed some time alone and while we were we started plotting my moving out of my parents' house. We knew my mother would never allow it so it turned more into my leaving when she and my father were at work.

The plan was simple. My birthday is on April 27, which that year was on a Sunday, my mother would be working on the following Tuesday, my father would be at work as well. I would pack and my H/BF would come to the house, help me get my stuff in his car and we'd leave. Destination his parents' house for the time being. We planned every detail. My H/BF's mother was in on the plan. By the time my mother would come home I would already be miles away.

The days after my mother and I got back from the visit seemed to drag on. My H/BF and I would speak about the plan online and on the phone when it was safe. We were so careful. But..my mother found out about the plan. My mother and I, months before made a deal that I wouldn't go thru her files and logs and she would agree to the same. That promise got broke nonstop by her. She even found out our secret code to use with each other if it was safe to talk.

Her reaction was to completely freak out, threaten suicide, threaten that my father would kill himself, threatened to kill my animals, blow up the house, blow up the cars, you name it, she threatened it. She also threatened to have my H/BF arrested if I tried to move out. She CLAIMED she had evidence that my H/BF and I had sex. For days she would cry and scream at me that I couldn't move out and if I did she said what would happen. Sometimes I'd be in the car with her and she'd start to lose it and floor the gas pedal threatening to drive the car over a cliff with her and myself in it. I spent days crying and being scared as hell.

I told my H/BF what was going on and he would tell his mother. He kept telling me it would be okay and he was just as scared as I was. The plan changed. My mother would be waiting for my H/BF to come near the area to have him arrested. His mother wouldn't loan him her car to come down here and take that chance. So the plan turned into my packing, getting on a bus and meeting my husband somewhere, like half way. I wasn't sure I could do it but at the time what were my alternatives??

One night I was talking to my H/BF and my mother was in one of her moods. She demanded I get offline and I got so upset I was hyperventilating. I told my H/BF I couldn't breathe. For the next few hours she turned out all the lights, unplugged and hid all the phones and announced that years ago my father tried to kill himself. I suspect that was to scare me because when I asked my father about it he had no idea what I was talking about.

My mother allowed me to get back online to talk to my H/BF. He had spent the last few hours near crying and scared. My mother stood behind me and dictated me things to say. She wanted me to tell him that I was overreacting, that my mother was a great mother and that she really cared. My H/BF played along but didn't fall for it. He knew me, he knew my mother and he knew exactly what she was doing.

During those days my H/BF was telling me to go to the police, take a chance and call the police. I was scared to. I was scared of what she would do, of what they would do.

The next morning came, April 25, 1997. I had classes and I had gotten an e-mail from my H/BF. I tried messaging him on the computer but his mother was on. He hadn't gotten up yet. I got ready to go to classes and my mother warned me not to go to the police. She stated she would be holding my cat by the neck and if she saw a police car pull into the driveway, she would break my cat's neck.

I got to the campus and went straight to the back to use the phone. I called my H/BF and said I was ready to go to the police. I couldn't take it anymore. He told me to call a runaway shelter and see if I could go there and either stay for the weekend or his mother who is a register foster parent could take custody of me. My voice was shaking and I was trying hard not to cry thru each word. I called a runaway shelter and asked if they could pick me up. Their response was that I could, but ONLY if my parents' gave permission. GAVE PERMISSION?!?!?! What the hell?? What parent would give their child permission to run away?? The man at the runaway shelter also suggested that my H/BF and his mother come down here

I called my H/BF and told him what the man had said. He couldn't believe it and neither could his mother. His mother got on the phone, talked to me for a minute, told me to go hide out somewhere, and told my H/BF to go get ready. They were coming down here. She said when I got somewhere to call my H/BF's sister and she'd call them to tell them where I was.

I got off the phone and although she warned not to go home, I did. I felt I had to. I had an hour between classes and my mother would get suspicious if I didn't go home. While there I tried getting a few things. My mother informed me she e-mailed my H/BF and told him if he came back, and talked me into staying in the area she would pay every bill we ever had for the rest of our lives. As long as he came back and talked me into staying in the area. My mother who was getting suspicious followed me outside. Once there she got on top of my car and wouldn't move, even as I turned the car on and wanted to back up. She then pretended to fall and positioned herself between the tires. I went back inside, pacing back and forth as to what to do next.

I thought of trying to outrun her. I started heading for the door with her very close behind me. As I opened the door a friend of hers was just getting ready to knock on the door. I was extremely relieved to see her. My mother very well couldn't do the things she was doing in front of this friend. My mother is extremely protective of what people think of her. My mother warned me to be home on time or she'd call the police on me.

Before getting on the interstate I went to the bank. I had an account there with over 600 dollars. However my mother's name was also on the account because I was a minor. I was worried she'd try to use that money against me and I wasn't allowed to close it. So I took every bit of it out but a dollar.

I got on the interstate. I was averaging at least 90 miles an hour. I was scared and unsure if I could actually handle this. I wanted my H/BF. I kept wishing I was in his arms and that everything would be okay. I almost got in a wreck several times. Once I even came close to driving INTO a store. I made frequent calls to my mother telling her I went for a drive and would be home soon, as well as calling my H/BF's sister to tell her where I was. I got about 90 miles in 45 minutes. My H/BF's sister said "When you run you really run." I told her my mother threatened to call the police, if she was going to I needed a good head start.

Finally my mother insisted I tell her where I was. I told her only because I saw my H/BF and his mother pull into a gas station I was at. She said she would be bringing my cat and if I wasn't there she'd dump the cat on the interstate.

My H/BF got out of his mother's car and ran over to me. I had tears as I got to him. I couldn't believe he was really there. He took me in his arms and held me tightly. I wanted him to never let go. I could sense the fear in him as he held me. He was shaking and his grip on me got tighter. My grip on him got tighter as well. His mother came up. I wasn't sure what the plan was from there. She said we were going to go back and I was going to have to tell the police what was going on. I was hesitant. I was worried I'd either have to go back or they'd put me somewhere for the weekend I'd be temporarily separated from my H/BF.

I agreed to go back as long as my H/BF could be with me. So he got in the car, and I drove. I was shaking and really not able to drive but my H/BF was worried something would happen to the car or we might pass my mother and she'd use it against him. As we were getting off the interstate we found the exit and entrance to it was blocked off. My H/BF and I both were panicing. We were sure my mother had called the police and they were trying to find me. Instead they were just blocking the interstate because there had been a robbery nearby.

We got to the police station. I wasn't sure what I was going to say or how I was going to say it. My H/BF stayed with me and held my hand. His mother sat across from us as the officer came in to take my statement. Some of the things my mother had done shocked him. He asked if I wanted to press charges and I said no. Maybe it would have been easier if I had but I didn't want my parents in jail. I just wanted them to get help and for me to be with my H/BF, and move out without anything bad happening to anyone or anything I care about.

The officer informed us that my mother had filed a missing person's report on me. They wanted me to go with them to my parents' house and to have a long talk with them there. I told them of the threats my mother made that she insisted would be made true if a police car pulled into her driveway. So the police called my mother and told her she had to come in to finalize the missing person's report. I was told to speak to a counselor who would be coming in. So again I had to tell the details of what my mother was doing. Each time I had to tell I was afraid I'd leave something out.

I hid out in my H/BF's car as my mother got there and went into the police station. My mother wasn't told I was there and after a little while they told me to come in. My H/BF and his mother had to wait outside. I was scared to face her. I walked inside the room and my mother and the counselor were the only ones actually inside the room. My mother hugged me the second she saw me. The counselor wanted me to tell what was going on in front of my mother. So I did..she denied a large portion of it. I told the counselor in front of my mother that my mother has called me stupid and other names along with the other stuff. My mother kept denying that she ever called me stupid and insisted I was making it all up.

At this point the counselor could have gone either way, in fact I think to this point she was in fact in the middle. Then my mother said something. I told the counselor my mother threatened to kill herself. My mother interrupted saying "Oh I'm not going to kill myself, you're so stupid!!" That did it..I didn't need to say another word..the counselor was on my side and realized my mother was lying.

Finally I was given 3 choices about what to do. One was to go back home with my parents. I couldn't do that. God only knows what my mother would do if she got me alone that night. Another option would be to stay with a relative. I didn't really want to do that but my mother didn't either because it would ruin her precious reputation as superwoman. The third option was to go into foster care and it couldn't be with my H/BF's mother. My mother found out they were there and she said "That MAN is here?!!?" A compromise was soon made. I would go home but ONLY because my H/BF would be coming and staying too. My mother called my father to get his opinion and to bring him up to date on what was going on.

The counselor walked me outside towards my H/BF and his mother. The first thing she said to me was "Boy, your mother really needs help." We got to where my H/BF and his mother was and my H/BF held me. My mother started walking towards us in the parking lot and my H/BF's mother wasted no time in going over to my mother and blasting her out in front of everyone there. I was happy she did that and I liked what she said. Finally my H/BF's mother had enough and wanted to go home and for my H/BF to come home with her. He refused to leave me. My H/BF's mother was worried my mother would try to press charges. My H/BF knew it was a possibility but refused to go, saying he was staying with me. Eventually my mother gave in and said she would come back on the following Monday or we meet her somewhere and pick him up. If I still wanted to come and move in with her I could.

We showed my H/BF's mother the way back to the interstate in the dark. She may have been able to find it but we wanted to be sure she could. At this point it was about 9 or 10 something at night. The "Dukes Of Hazzard" reunion movie was premiering. My H/BF and I got back to my parents' house and my father who I had only seen cry three times in my life was suddenly crying and hugging me tightly begging me not to go. He wouldn't let go. I told him to stop, that I was going. I didn't need my father's guilt tripping as well.

The rest of the weekend went reasonably well. I moved out on April 28, 1997 and went to stay with my H/BF and his family. The arrangment only lasted a week and we both came back down here. The cost of living is cheaper and my H/BF's mother got angry with my H/BF and threw me out and told him he could come with me if he wanted. My mother got counseling for a little while. It was later found out she had a thyroid problem that made her like this. She had been that way in very small doses while I was growing up but never to this extent. When we came back to the area we got an apartment together in less than a month, and my mother offered us a car and furniture in exchance for staying in the area for a year. She even had us sign a contract. Considering we didn't have a whole lot of money, wasn't sure where else to go, and we weren't working yet, we took the deal.

April 25, 1997 is rarely mentioned. My mother insists I just went to the police to insure I could leave and that's it. I tell her if that was the case I would have filed charges against them. The fact that I didn't you would think would have said something. My father never mentions the day and hardly anyone who wasn't involved knows. Whenever my husband and I talk about it, it's always referred to as "April 25th". My husband's mother does her best to ignore my mother. In fact she hasn't seen or spoken to my mother since our wedding day.

I tell my husband there is no way I could have gotten thru that time without him. I wouldn't even want to try. We both agree that day proved that we both love each other. I proved it by running away, taking a chance of never seeing my parents, my animals and just about everything else behind..and he proved it by coming down here, and refusing to leave me knowing that my mother could press charges at any second. I've also told him that although I was taking a big chance leaving like I did and standing to lose a lot, I would have been losing a lot more if I hadn't of. It was worth the risk. I kept thinking while driving on that road that I had to get to him. I knew that once I got to him everything would be okay.

Would I do it all again?? Yes.

ADDED ON AUGUST 17, 2003: A COPY OF THE POLICE REPORT.