I redesigned my journal a bit. Yeah I know I said I wasn't going to but hey..I got a couple ideas and I went with them. I even added an Amber Alert marquee so anytime a kid is missing and Amber Alert picks it up, it'll be picked up on the marquee as well on my journal. Yeah I know it doesn't exactly go with the journal but in a way it does. I love kids and I know what it's like to have a child die and maybe this way it'll help a little so someone else won't have to lose a child. I know it's not the same thing as how my daughter died but who knows?? It may help.

Well this town is starting to look less familar to me. The bowling alley I spent so much time at growing up got torn down. What a crock. I was in bowling leagues there for about 4 years. I've been bowling there off and on my whole life. Well okay not my whole life..there was that time that I was in diapers that I didn't bowl. All is left is a lot and pieces of wood all pied up. Now the only bowling alley we have left is about 3-4 dollars per game. A price I refuse to pay. Now that they have no competition they'll probably go up to 5 or 10 dollars a game.

Oh this depresses me. I bowled my first 200 at this bowling alley. I got a lot of awards in tournaments and in the leagues at that bowling alley. I met a guy I got a crush on at that bowling alley. Well..that guy turned out to be a jerk so maybe I shouldn't include that in my trip down memory lane. I had so much fun in the leagues. Most of us were all very good friends. I have so many memories of that place and I didn't even know they were closing until it was too late.

Now the place is gone. Just about the last place outside of my parents' house that was still familar to me from growing up. My memories of the bowling alley are just that now..memories that will never be relived. The mall is still here but it's not the same. Half the stores come and go and the movie theater has a new name. My childhood has not only passed with my becoming an adult, but so has the reminders of it. The places I could go to and smile as I remembered them for when I was a child..how big they looked and all the things I did in them. Now all that is really left that's the same is a grocery store, (although we have half a dozen others) an old drive inn and my parents' house. A grocery store that looks like it was built in the 1800's, a drive inn that believe it or not is still in business and my parents' house that has been completely redecorated since I was a child. They say you can't go home again..but I never heard anyone say you couldn't go to your hometown again and at least get a clue of how it used to be.

I'm starting to hate this town. 95% of what's in this town only got here within 10 years ago. Actually less than that. This isn't really the town I fell in love with growing up. Growing up I thought I could spend my whole life here. And to be honest, I pretty much have. Except for one week I lived with Dec21 and his parents. I thought this was the best town to live in. Maybe I was right then but the town has since outgrew me. I could say I outgrew it but if that was the case I would want changes to it.

*Sighs*

I don't even think I have a hometown anymore. It's unrecognizable and it keeps growing and familar places are getting taken away by the second. I feel the deep roots I had in this town are loosening quick. The only things that keep me wanting Dec21, our cat and me to stay in this town is my parents. Well that and the fear of moving to a new place, and winding up in a city where a terrorist happens to hit.

They should rename this town. It doesn't deserve to keep the same name but completely change everything else. Writing this entry has gotten me even more depressed than when I started. How could someone start an entry in a reasonably good mood and then get all depressed by the time the last paragraph is being written?? Well somehow I managed to do it.