My mother has been having dizzy spells and it's got me worried. She said it's probably nothing to worry about. She hasn't had them in days and that's encouraging. She hasn't had them lately and it's probably just something that came and went. Her doctor isn't worried and neither is she. I still worry though.

Worrying is a habit of mine I can't break. When you're a kid, your biggest worry is finishing your homework, passing your classes and if you'll make many friends in school. Then when you're a teenager your worries shift to finding and keeping a boyfriend/girlfriend, keeping your friends, graduating, college, getting a license and hoping your parents aren't going to hassle you about something. Then as you get older and become an adult, you realize that not only are you getting older, but everyone else around you is too. Your life can be changed forever in an instant. Growing up things were pretty much the same each day. I had elderly neighbors who were like the grandparents I barely had. My parents alternating on who stayed with me during the day and night, sometimes it was just me at home. I had a few good friends and I had my animals. Then the innocence I thrived in began being ripped apart. My neighbors and animals started dying, new priorities came into focus, and the way of life I used to have became barely recognizable.

"You Can't Go Home Again" is a phrase that's circulating my brain right now. Sure, you can always go back to your hometown, or even visit the house you grew up in..which is what I used to think that phrase meant. But..it's not what it means. You can do all those things and be in the same location..but you can't go back to where things were. You can't have the exact life you once had. You can meet people like the ones you grew up with but they will never be those people. You can't have the innocence and instant trust you had as a child. When magic wasn't something you questioned or doubted the existance of. When Santa Claus was something that didn't require proof to be believed in. When you're a kid, you believe whatever your parents tell you without questioning it or requiring proof. When you're an adult, there is very little you WILL believe without convincing proof. What is it that changes?? Do we change or does everything around us change?? Is it a combination??

Would I trade the life I have now for the life I had then?? HELL NO!! But it would be nice if some of the people and animals I had in that life, I could have in this life as it is now.