[SCENE 1: Sonora and Jason are sitting in Sonora�s parents� car. They are in the back seat. Jason is smoking a cigarette. They both look bored]

SONORA
How long have they been in there??

JASON
[looks at the cigarette] About.. 9 drags I�d say.

SONORA
Are you sure??

JASON
[takes a drag] Yup.

SONORA
Why do they ask us to go shopping with them and then go to a store they know we hate??

JASON
Don�t ask me dear. I�m still trying to figure out how they can watch every single episode of �The Andy Griffith Show� a hundred times each for over 40 years and still watch an episode as if it�s the first time they�re seeing it.

SONORA
It�s either temporary memory loss or maybe they suffer from the same thing that makes you want to watch �Futurama� over and over and over again.

JASON
Hey now, that�s a good show. It�s unique, funny and.. What�s the word I�m looking for??

SONORA
A non-Democrat??

JASON
That works.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Now before you jump on me and call me a Republican let me say one thing. Republicans suck too. The political parties in my opinion need to be destroyed. Let someone who can and wants to actually do the job right get elected once in awhile. Lately elections have turned into a popularity contest to see who can kiss the most ass while being the best player at �Simon Says� within their party.

JASON
Do you think she�s actually going to buy something today??

SONORA
Who knows?? Half the time she goes in to window shop and comes out with 100 dollars worth of clothes and clearance items and the other half the time she goes in to buy something and comes out with a bunch of candy. [VOICE OVER] My mother is one of these bargain hunters who prides herself on knowing the best places to shop. It�s truly terrifying the things she finds to buy just because they happen to be on sale.

[FLASHBACK MONTAGE of Gail picking up things that are on sale to buy]

GAIL
Oh look at these flip flops. Oh I hate neon pink as a color for shoes but look, they are 70% off.. I have to get them. Oh wow check out this shirt. Oh it�s a little big on me but I bet it would fit you. For this good a deal you can like polka dots right?? Oh buy 3 cases of drinks and get the 4th one free. We have to get this and I am sure we will love the drinks. Oh what do you think this is?? Hmm.. Well it�s only 79 cents, we can buy it and figure it out later.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] One time she went to an auction and came home with a car. Why did she buy it??

[FLASHBACK]

GAIL
It was such a good deal, I couldn�t resist. You try to buy this brand new and it would cost you at least 7 thousand dollars more.

[BACK TO PRESENT]

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Although that�s not to say she�s a free spender. Oh no.

[FLASHBACK MONTAGE]

GAIL
Sonora are you crazy?? I am not going to spend 1.89 for a drink at a restaurant when I can just as easily drink water here and soda at home. Fifteen dollars for a DVD?? Oh please I�d rather just order it on PPV and tape it. Now why would I pay that price for a brand name soda when I can get the generic brand cheaper?? They taste almost the same.

[BACK TO PRESENT]

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Scary huh??

[Gail and Leo come walking out. Gail is grinning while holding a piece of paper]

JASON
You don�t think she went in there and bought the store do you??

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Only if she wanted to torture me for the rest of my life.

[Gail and Leo get into the car]

GAIL
Now that didn�t take long did it??

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Long enough for my husband to smoke an entire cancer stick while I�ve inhaled enough second hand smoke to turn 1% of my lungs green.

GAIL
I got you guys something. [hands them the paper]

SONORA
[looks at it with Jason] [VOICE OVER] A piece of paper with a bunch of typing on it with your signature?? Gee.. Uhh.. You shouldn�t have??

GAIL
What do you think??

SONORA
I don�t get it.

GAIL
I signed you guys up to have your pictures taken.

SONORA & JASON
Us??

GAIL
You two and Oscar.

SONORA
What?? Like in our home??

GAIL
No silly, you�d bring him here. There�s a new professional studio that�s opened up in the back of the store.

SONORA
You mean we�d bring Oscar.. Here?? [VOICE OVER] Am I the only one who sees the potential disaster in that??

[Sonora is picturing Oscar running up and down the aisles as Jason and Sonora are chasing him]

VOICE ON SPEAKER
Excuse me shoppers but we have a cat running thru out the store.. He is currently in aisle 7..no 8.. No 9.. He is currently in the lingerie department. Please do not panic, we do not think he is a sexual predator.

[Everyone screams as Oscar runs wild and an older woman is trying on a sexy lingerie item with a string hanging down. Oscar sees the string and tries to grab at it and it pulls the woman down and she falls out of the dressing room. He runs all over the department knocking over racks. Sonora and Jason finally catch up to him and he�s on top of a silk gown washing himself]

SONORA
Oscar.. Don�t move.

[Oscar sits up and starts shitting on the gown]

SONORA
Oscar.. No�

[Oscar shits on the gown and starts clawing at it and then grabs another one to cover it up]

SONORA
Oh shit!!

JASON
Well put.

[BACK TO REALITY]

[Sonora looks at Jason]

SONORA
[whispers} Are you thinking what I�m thinking??

JASON
Yeah. I�m going to have to start shaving on a more regular basis so your face doesn�t break out.

SONORA
Close.

GAIL
So what do you think??

SONORA
It�s a [VOICE OVER] disaster in the making, bad idea, insane?? [REGULAR VOICE] great idea mom! [fakes a smile]

[SCENE 2: Jason and Sonora are in their bedroom getting ready. Jason is having no problem finding the right outfit to put on. Sonora is going thru her side of the closet looking thru shirts]

SONORA
I can�t believe I don�t have a shirt in here that doesn�t make me look fat.

JASON
Sonora you think you look fat in the dark.

SONORA
I am fat. Dark, light, sunset, sunrise.. I am fat. I just don�t want it being obvious in clothes.

JASON
You are beautiful and NOT fat.

SONORA
Okay what shirt would you recommend I�d wear??

JASON
Well I personally would love to see you in a dress.

SONORA
A dress?? [VOICE OVER] That would require shaving my legs!! I HATE shaving my legs and I do my best to avoid it at all costs.

JASON
Yeah you know, a one piece article of clothing that looks similar to that thing you wore on our wedding day.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Yeah and while we�re at it why don�t we go get a sign to put on my ass that says �Wide Load�??

JASON
Here try this.. [hands her a beautiful grey and black sweater]

SONORA
Not bad. Actually it�s one of my favorite sweaters. [VOICE OVER] It�s one of the few that doesn�t make me look like I belong in a parade on Thanksgiving. [putting on the sweater] What do you think??

JASON
I like it.

SONORA
Oh I need to get Oscar ready.

JASON
Get Oscar ready?? Hon, he�s a cat and unless you plan on dressing him one of those porcelain doll outfits you see in poodles which by the way I will never forgive you for if you do, then I think the main thing you have to do in order to get him ready is hold him and make sure if he scratches anything it�s not a living thing unless it�s you. Of course since you�re the only one he DOESN�T scratch we should be okay.

[Sonora picks up Oscar. Oscar nuzzles her and curls up in a ball in her arms]

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] You want to know my main concern.. For as long as I can remember I have been a serious blinker when it comes to having my picture taken. There have been many attempts to get me to stop.

[MONTAGE OF Sonora trying to get her picture taken. Various photographers over time is shown with Sonora in different outfits and hairstyles and at different ages.]

PHOTOGRAPHER 1
Okay now honey, look right at the camera and smile.

[Sonora smiles as the camera takes her picture. The picture comes up on the screen and Sonora has clearly blinked.]

SONORA
Well??

GAIL
Let�s try it without the blinking.

PHOTOGRAPHER 1
Say cheese.

SONORA
Cheese. [VOICE OVER] One of the worst words to say when having your picture taken. Thinking of cheese doesn�t make me smile. How about saying �Death to Bin Laden� or �I just won the lottery and now I�m going to Disney World.� or something happy. Who gets happy about cheese?? [smiles]

[The picture comes up on the screen right after it�s taken. She blinked.

GAIL
[sighs] Can we try again please??

PHOTOGRAPHER 2
Okay, now don�t look at the camera. Look right at me sweetheart. Just pretend the camera isn�t there. [Sonora looks at him and smiles] Good girl. [takes the picture and it comes up on screen and Sonora is blinking again] Well� that�s why we use these cameras now. So we can do retakes.

PHOTOGRAPHER 3
Now my theory is that we take a bunch of pictures at one time and you surely can�t blink in all of them. [takes several pictures as Sonora smiles, clearly a bit nervous this time. She pulls the pictures up. In all but one Sonora is blinking. In the last one Sonora is rolling her eyes in frustration] Well� at least that was a voluntary movement.

GAIL
[looks at Sonora] Now listen to me, this is your senior picture. This picture will be in your yearbook and everyone will see it. PLEASE do not blink.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Sure just tell my eyes. They don�t seem to listen to me very often.

PHOTOGRAPHER 4
So� I hear you�re a blinker. I find blinkers hilarious. I actually have a great blinker joke.. want to hear it??

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Oh yeah?? I�ve got a great photographer joke.. It starts with me throwing your camera out into the street during rush hour.

[The photographer takes the picture. Sonora isn�t blinking but she looks very serious. No smile at all]

PHOTOGRAPHER
Well� I�d call it a success. How about you??

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] And now that picture is in full color in my senior yearbook. So whenever someone from my class wants to look back at everyone they went to school with they will see this picture of me looking like a serial killer with a hang over. The one nice thing I can add to this story is that about 6 months after this picture was taken, the photographer was beaten up in a bar for telling a blonde joke. You have to love karma sometimes.

[BACK TO PRESENT]

SONORA
Hey Oscar guess what?? [VOICE OVER] Like I really expect him to look up at me like a 5 year old and say �What?? What??� So before you think I�ve lost my mind.. Well.. Just wait. [REAL VOICE] All 3 of us are going to get our picture taken.

[Oscar�s eyes go wide and his mouth falls open in shock]

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] No that wasn�t his real reaction. [Oscar is shown jumping up and down in excitement] [VOICE OVER] No he didn�t do that either. [Oscar is shown doing a victory dance as a football player does after a touchdown] Oh please!! This cat is smart but he�s no jock in fur. Here�s what his real reaction was. [Oscar is shown asleep in Sonora�s arms. No reaction whatsoever] [VOICE OVER] He really must learn to control his excitement before someone tries to treat him for manic depression.

[SCENE 3: Sonora and Jason are walking into the store. Sonora is carrying Oscar. A few people look at her]

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] What?? You people act like you�ve never seen a cat in here before. Jeez you�d think I was carrying George Bush�s head the way everyone is glaring.

[Jason and Sonora get to where the studio is. Sonora sits down and Jason goes up to the cashier. Her name is Patty and looks a bit ditzy]

JASON
Hi. Sundance at 3. My mother in law made the appointment.

PATTY
Oh yes.. I remember. I scheduled the appointment myself. [looks at Oscar] Is this the cat that will be in the picture??

SONORA
No this is a stand in. The real cat has very strict stipulations in his contract.

JASON
[tries not to laugh] Sonora.. Be nice.

PATTY
Well, I have a few minutes if you want to try to talk the real cat into coming.

[Jason and Sonora look at her strangely]

SONORA
This is the real cat.

PATTY
Oh. Did you lose the stand in?? I can help you look.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] PLEASE tell me this isn�t the person who is going to take our picture. I have doubts she knows where the clicker is.

PATTY
[talking on the phone] Okay, well I�ll be taking the pictures in just a few minutes.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Of course. Why am I not surprised??

PATTY
Why don�t you guys pick out a background you would like. [hands them a book] Here you are.

[Jason starts looking at it]

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Oh boy. There must be 200 different backgrounds in there. What happened to the day when you had to choose between light or dark, color or black and white.

JASON
This is nice. [Jason shows her one with a picture of a pond]

SONORA
Do you really want a picture of us holding Oscar with a background that�s full of water??

JASON
You�re right. Other cats might see it and tease him. [grins]

SONORA
Or worse he�ll see the background and freak out thinking he�s actually in water.

[Gail and Leo run up. Gail is holding a bag]

GAIL
I�m sorry we�re late.

JASON & SONORA
Late??

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Why don�t I like the sound of this??

GAIL
Yeah I came to watch and see how it goes.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] No you want to see if I�ll blink so you�ll have something to bitch about.

GAIL
Oh Sonora honey why are you wearing that dark shirt and holding Oscar now?? He is going to shed all over.

SONORA
I know he will. I like the furry look. I think I was a wild animal in a previous life.

GAIL
The picture will not come out right. Come on I bought you a great outfit.

SONORA
You what??

GAIL
Yes. In case something like this happened or in case you wanted something new and pretty to wear.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Can�t I just settle for somewhat new and non fat looking??

GAIL
Come on, let�s go change.

SONORA
I like what I have on.

JASON
Yeah she looks nice.

GAIL
Are you guys going to argue with me?? I am paying a lot of money for these pictures.

SONORA
I like what I have on.

GAIL
This will be better trust me.

LEO
Go on Sonora, do this for your mother.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Oh look who chimes in. He is so pussy whipped. She could say go bang your head against a wall and he�d ask which wall.

GAIL
Don�t get me angry please.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Who are you?? The Incredible Hulk??

GAIL
Sonora.. Please.

SONORA
[looks at Jason] What do you think??

JASON
It might be a nice shirt.

GAIL
Considering how much I am paying for these pictures I think I should get a pretty big say in how you look.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER as she puts Oscar in the pet carrier] Ohhhh.. We�re doing this all YOUR way. Oh why didn�t you say so. I would have brought my ass kissing lips with me to make it easier on everyone.

LEO
Don�t upset your mother Sonora.

SONORA
[turns to look at Leo strangely as he�s smiling and walks towards the dressing room] [VOICE OVER] This is the hell that makes up a portion of my life. Take it in.
[SCENE 4: Gail is waiting outside of the dressing room]

GAIL
Sonora are you coming??

SONORA
Yes.. [VOICE OVER but she isn�t being shown] Oh I hate changing clothes in a public dressing room. You get to see up close and personal how awful you look naked. It�s like the people who build these things said �Hey we want to make you feel even more self conscious by showing you exactly how fat you are so you will want to buy as much of our clothes as possible to cover your fat ass.�

GAIL
Sonora!! Hurry up, we�re going to be late.

SONORA
[walks out slowly. You see her feet first as the rest of her body is shown slowly going up. She is wearing snow white pants and a very white shirt with a black undershirt on underneath] [VOICE OVER] Well?? How do I look??

GAIL
Why did you wear that black undershirt?? You can see right thru that pretty white shirt.

SONORA
I knew you were going to buy all white and I wanted to make a statement. [VOICE OVER] Didn�t she get that massive memo that white is the one color that could make Mary Tyler Moore look fat.

GAIL
Sonora why are you trying to give me a hard time??

SONORA
I wasn�t planning on wearing white.

GAIL
I guess you�ll just have to wear that sweater and we�ll have to try to get the cat hair off. I can�t believe you did this. And you KNOW I�m spending a lot on these pictures.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] No I didn�t know. Could you tell me a few more times??

GAIL
Go change. I can�t believe this.

[Sonora walks back to the dressing room]

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Well at least she likes my hair and make up.

GAIL
And why didn�t you wash your hair before you came out?? You look like something the cat dragged in.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] 3.. 2... 1. Okay I guess my make up is good.

GAIL
And why did you wear that God awful eyeliner. You look like a raccoon in heat.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] And is there any wonder my self esteem is what it is?? I wonder if I should point out to her that SHE was the one who bought me the damn eyeliner.

[Sonora and Gail walk back]

LEO
Isn�t that the shirt you had on??

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Great eye dad. You should be a detective.

GAIL
She wore a black undershirt and this shirt is white and it just does not look right at all.

LEO
Well why did you do that Sonora??

SONORA
[looks up at Leo] You�re kidding right??

LEO
No. You knew you were going to get your picture taken today. I would think you�d want to look your best.

GAIL
Oh don�t try talking to her. She doesn�t care.

SONORA
[looks at Jason and mumbles] I�m about to lose it.

JASON
[puts his arm around her] It�s okay.

SONORA
Easy for you to say. Everything I do is wrong. The only thing she hasn�t complained about is my underwear.

GAIL
Did you put on clean underwear before you left??

SONORA
[notices other people nearby that overheard] Do you really want me to answer that??

GAIL
Sonora I�ve had about enough of your attitude.

SONORA
[looks at Jason] Dare me??

JASON
I wouldn�t recommend it.

GAIL
What??

SONORA
[stands up and unzips her jeans] Care to look for yourself??

GAIL
[shocked] Sonora stop being so crude. Oh my God. I can�t believe you. Have you no pride or sense of decency?? I swear if you don�t knock it off we will walk out of here right now.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] And you lose the money you already paid?? HA!! My mom HATES to lose money. The only thing she hates more is being humiliated in public in front of a bunch of strangers she�s never met.

LEO
Sonora, enough is enough.

SONORA
I think I need a minute outside. [stands up]

GAIL
Stay here, it won�t be much longer.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Neither will my temper.

JASON
She can go outside for a few. She hasn�t done anything.

GAIL
Oh really?? Why am I surprised?? One would shit in a box and the other would call it art.

JASON
[confused] Excuse me??

SONORA
I�ll be back.

LEO
Sonora, your mother told you to wait now sit down.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] I bet you�d never guess I was 26 by watching this would you??

GAIL
Oh let her go Leo. Maybe she�ll get over herself and start acting right.

LEO
Okay go on.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] As if I need permission.

[Jason walks out with her]

JASON
Are you okay??

SONORA
Peachy. Do you have my chill pills??

JASON
Yeah right here. [hands them to her]

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Okay so they aren�t really chill pills. They are tic-tacs with a very strong mint flavor. They kind of work. Enough so I don�t blow up.

JASON
Just try to get along with her and then we can go home and ignore her.

SONORA
I haven�t done anything wrong.

JASON
I know. She�s just in a bad mood.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Yeah, who isn�t??

JASON
Do you want to leave??

SONORA
And have her bitch at us until the end of time how we wasted her money?? Forget it.

JASON
Okay.

SONORA
I need to go back in.

JASON
Can you wait a minute?? I was going to have a quick cigarette.

SONORA
I want to get back to Oscar.

JASON
He�ll be fine.

SONORA
Okay. Hurry.

JASON
I�ll smoke half of one.

[A few minutes later Jason and Sonora are walking back. Leo is holding Oscar and kids are petting him]

SONORA
What the hell?!?!?! [runs over to him] What are you doing with Oscar out of the pet carrier??

LEO
These girls wanted to pet him.

SONORA
I don�t care if Dr. Doolittle wanted to give him a physical. Give him to me. [takes Oscar]

LEO
It�s no big deal. I was holding him. He wasn�t going anywhere.

SONORA
Don�t ever do that again.

LEO
You�re overreacting.

SONORA
I�M overreacting?? Do me a favor, don�t ever touch Oscar again and especially don�t pick him up.

GAIL
What�s going on here??

LEO
She�s freaking out because I was holding her cat.

JASON
It was more than that Leo. You took him out of the pet carrier. He could have gotten away from you.

LEO
But he didn�t. I was holding him.

SONORA
He could have gotten out of your arms. You know he gets scared around strangers and only likes me to hold him.

LEO
Well he�s fine.

GAIL
Leo let her take care of Oscar.

LEO
I wasn�t doing anything.

GAIL
Leo please, don�t you start too.

LEO
Fine whatever.

SONORA
You could apologize.

GAIL
Oh Sonora let it go. He didn�t mean to cause any harm. You don�t need to cause a big ruckus in the store.

SONORA
What if he got away?? [shaking] Can you imagine what could have happened?? He could have gotten out??

GAIL
Now don�t start freaking out on me. This isn�t worth going all to hell over.

SONORA
[breathing hard] He shouldn�t have done that.

GAIL
Sonora enough is enough. Besides you�re upsetting Oscar.

[A little boy comes up]

BOY
Can I pet your pussy??

SONORA
[looks at the boy strange] [VOICE OVER] Wait a few years, it�ll be more special.

[The little boy�s mother comes up and says not to talk to strangers and hurries him off]

[Sonora puts Oscar in the pet carrier]

SONORA
[having a panic attack] [VOICE OVER] Welcome to panic attack 101. Of all times to have one. Damn my father. Damn my mother.

GAIL
Sonora, you get yourself together NOW!! You�re going to ruin your make up and ruin everyone�s day now get a hold of yourself. People are going to think you�re nuts and laugh at you.

JASON
Gail that�s surprisingly NOT helping.

GAIL
Well it�s true. Look at her. She�s acting like an idiot.

JASON
Gail, stop. She can�t help it.

GAIL
Yes she can. She�s determined to ruin this day. She doesn�t care about the money I spent or the clothes I bought. She�s just being selfish and thinking about herself.

JASON
Come on.. Let�s walk over here.

[Jason and Sonora walk a few feet away and Jason holds her]

GAIL
You stop this right now or I will NEVER forgive you for embarrassing me like this!!

JASON
STOP!! [looks at Gail]

SONORA
[breathing hard, getting tears] Why does she do this??

JASON
Because she wants to be a bitch. Don�t worry about her. Here.. Take a deep breath.

SONORA
Do you have any idea what could have happened??

JASON
Yes and it�s okay. He�s fine. We are all fine. You know your father. He rarely thinks and only puts himself first.. Well except for your mother.

SONORA
What did I do wrong??

JASON
Nothing. It�s fine.

[Sonora takes deep breaths]

SONORA
How do I look??

JASON
Beautiful. Are you ready to go back??

SONORA
Can I take a chainsaw with me??

JASON
[smiles] I�ll get you one after we take the pictures.

[SCENE 5: Jason, Sonora and Oscar are getting into the proper positions. Patty sets up the background]

SONORA
The background�s nice. What made you pick it??

GAIL
I picked it. [smiles]

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] I hate it.

[SCENE 6: Two weeks later. Sonora and Jason are walking up to the store from the parking lot]

JASON
How do you think they will look??

SONORA
Well my mom saw the proofs and said they looked really good.

JASON
Well at least someone is happy with how that day came out.

JASON
I can�t believe she spent 50 dollars on these pictures.

SONORA
Yeah I know. We would have been better off just taking a bunch of pictures with the digital camera and printing them out at Wal-Mart.

[Jason and Sonora go up to the counter]

JASON
Hi..

PATTY
Oh hi!! I got your pictures right here.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Oh God she remembers us. This can�t be good.

PATTY
[hands them the pictures] Now your mother has already paid for them so I just need to check to be sure they are the right amount. [goes thru the check list and hands the pictures to Jason] All right.. Everything is all set. Thanks for doing business with us. [walks away]

SONORA
I swear the woman acts like she�s on helium.

[Jason opens the folder and him and Sonora look at them together]

JASON & SONORA
OH MY GOD!!

[Jason is only half smiling in the first one. Sonora�s face looks puffy]

SONORA
I am never going out in public again.

JASON
At least you�re smiling. I look like I belong on �America�s Most Wanted�.

SONORA
I look like the Pillsbury Dough Boy�s twin sister!!

[Jason and Sonora look at the next one. Jason and Sonora look like they got caught in mid sentence and Oscar looks terrified]

JASON
Is that what I look like when I�m talking??

SONORA
We will have to learn sign language if we ever plan on communicating ever again.

JASON
Oscar looks terrified!!

SONORA
So would you if some stranger was dangling a giant stuffed rodent at you while trying to blind you with a flash.

[Sonora and Jason look at the last picture]

SONORA & JASON
Awwwww.

SONORA
This one is perfect.

JASON
It�s the best one of all of them. It really came out good I think.

SONORA
Definitely a keeper.

JASON
We should have this one framed and toss the rest.

[It�s a picture of Oscar by himself staring into the camera]

[SCENE 6: Sonora and Jason walk upstairs where Gail is looking at the pictures]

JASON
You think it�s too late to get them back and burn the ones with us in them??

SONORA
I�m willing to try if you are. We can just claim spontaneous combustion.

GAIL
Oh these pictures are just wonderful.

JASON
Were there more in there??

SONORA
I didn�t think so.

GAIL
Don�t you just love these??

SONORA
Ummm� actually we hate them.

GAIL
What??

SONORA
Well I look fat and Jason looks�

JASON
Like �America�s Most Wanted� meets �Freaks & Geeks�.

GAIL
I don�t understand. I spent a lot of money on these pictures and you hate them??

SONORA
Well� yeah.

GAIL
Why didn�t you say so sooner??

SONORA
We did. We said when they came up on the screen they didn�t look great.

GAIL
Exactly. You didn�t say they looked horrible.

SONORA
What�s the difference??

GAIL
Fine so I just wasted a bunch of money. I tried to do something nice and you all just don�t appreciate anything. Well fine. Let me have all of them. I won�t bother you all ever again. [storms off into the bedroom]

[The last few minutes were a figment of Sonora�s imagination]

GAIL
Well?? I�m waiting. What do you think of them??

JASON
They�re�

SONORA
Nice. [fakes a smile]

GAIL
Awww I�m so happy you think so too. Now I think we should get a lot more printed out. These are just so perfect. I can�t wait to show them to everyone.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Isn�t knowing the pictures exist punishment enough?!?!

GAIL
These are so perfect.

SONORA
Can I ask you something??

GAIL
Sure.

SONORA
Do I really look like that??

GAIL
Of course you do sweetie. You look every bit as perfect as this picture shows.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Not quite the answer I was hoping for.

GAIL
I�m going to go set some frames I bought. They�re in the bedroom. I�ll be right back. [starts walking towards the bedroom] Oh by the way.. I am SO happy these pictures came out so well. I was a little worried about making the appointment for all of us to get our pictures taken together. But after seeing these, I�m sure they�re going to come out just as good. I�ll be back [walks off]

[Jason and Sonora stare at each other in shock and fear]

JASON
Got any recommendations??

SONORA
Yeah. How about we chip in and buy her a new pair of glasses??

[SCENE 7: Sonora is writing a journal entry]

�PHOTOGRAPHY�

I used to think I�d be a great photographer. I love to take pictures of landscapes, sunsets and other things. But after looking at the pictures we got back from our day of hell at the photo studio, I�ve realized one very important thing. If this is what today�s population considers GOOD picture taking, then I have a LOT to learn.

[FADE OUT]

[EPISODE 1.3]