My husband officially gave in and agreed we wouldn't go to his sister's for Christmas. I should be happy. It's what I've been hoping the decision would be for weeks. I was dreading the thought of having to ride 6 hours and spending Christmas with my in laws from hell. So why aren't I happy?? Never underestimate the power of guilt.

I thought I would be at least somewhat happy that we weren't going to spend Christmas with the Manson family reincarnated, and I should be. But I know how much my husband wanted to spend Christmas with them. The main argument he was using to go was that he hasn't spent Christmas with his family since 1998. My response to that has always been "Yeah look at how I get treated and you'll see why." I've got good reasons for not wanting to go yet I did offer to go still.

My husband even admitted I was justified in my arguments and how I felt. But the thing is I can see his side too and he's justified in how he feels.

*Sighs*

Why couldn't his mother and sister learn how to be nice?? Why am I letting myself feel guilty for not wanting to spend Christmas with a group of people who would be very happy if I just dropped off the face of the earth?? Well it's not because I feel bad for any of them. They did this, not me. I've taken 6 years of their abuse..am I being unreasonable for not wanting to intentionally put myself thru more??

No matter what bad things I can come up with to say, and I can say more..believe me..but they are still my husband's family..and at the same time they are mine...whether they admit it or not. I love my husband more than anything in this universe and I always will. If I didn't, those..PEOPLE would have been told off long ago. I try holding my tongue about them, but it's not easy. Especially when they don't hesitate to slam me any chance they can.

I know my husband won't be as upset and miserable as I would have been had we went but I still feel bad. He said not to worry about it and that he's okay with it. Although I keep remembering that he does want to go. There's no real compromise here. I can't even agree to go next year since his mother lives 1,000 miles away, whose to say when she'll come back in the area?? We can't go just for one day because who wants to travel on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day 6 hours one way then 6 hours back right away?? And of course they won't come here. Not that I want them to, but even so we're still in a one bedroom apartment and the closet won't fit all of them.

*Sighs*

Why does winning have to feel so shitty sometimes??