[SCENE 1: The scene opens with a shot of the earth shown from how it looks in outer space. A voice over will soon be heard of a woman in her 20�s. She is not seen as of yet. As she begins to talk the scene is zoomed into the earth more and more until earth is shown from the sky, the land, and to a house]

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Look at that. A giant ball that can hold trillions of different lives. When I was a kid I used to wonder if a person could actually stand on top of the earth without falling thru it. It looks like you could doesn�t it?? Anyways, you�re probably wondering who I am and why I�m talking to you. Well let�s start with the first part. My name is Sonora Anne Reed Sundance. Lovely name, huh?? My mom told me she got my name off a soap opera. I hated my name while growing up. Actually I still do. The entire time I was growing up in school there was not one other Sonora. One would say that would make me unique. I say that makes me the odd one. Anyways, I would give you a physical description but I think I�ll just let you get a good look yourself.

[A beautiful model is shown]

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] You don�t REALLY believe that�s me, do you?? For those of you who thought it was, maybe you should have an adult watching this with you so they can tell you the difference between real and make believe. For those of you who knew it wasn�t me. . thanks.. I appreciate the vote of confidence. That could be me.. if you subtract a few pounds, give me a couple cans of hair spray and throw a couple plastic surgeons my way who like a challenge.

[A beautiful skinny woman is walking down the street. She is clearly a prostitute]

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] This is me. [pause] You freaking idiots!! Did someone hit you all with the stupid stick or something??

[The real Sonora is shown. She�s not beautiful but she�s somewhat pretty, a bit overweight and is asleep on the bed while laying on her stomach]

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] THIS is me. No really it is. [pause] Well don�t everyone start drooling now.

[Sonora�s husband Jason is shown on the computer]

SONORA
That�s my wonderful husband, Jason. Okay that sounds fake. That�s my sweet handsome husband.. geez how do I say this without coming across as Sonny the happy homemaker. Okay.. let me try this. This is the man I married 8 years ago. Hey that works. He�s sweet, handsome and fun to be around 99.9% of the time. The other .1% I want to rip my hair out. The one good part of that is I have the same effect on him. Our wedding was.. interesting to say the least.

[FLASHBACK to the wedding 8 years ago. Jason and Sonora are shown walking up the aisle and smiling]

JASON
[thru the smile] You think they have any idea that we eloped last week and this is just for show and presents??

SONORA
[thru the smile] Not a clue.

[PRESENT]

JASON
[grabs a soda out of the refrigerator. As he is walking back to the computer the cat collapses in front of him, belly up in the air as if he wants to be rubbed]

JASON
[smiles a bit] What�s your problem?? [The cat meows and Jason sighs] I am so not a cat person.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Call me crazy but I think the cat knows that. Cats can smell a non cat person a mile away. Non cat people find this so interesting. I don�t see how it�s so amazing. Think about it. If you never see a person eat meat, they�re constantly bitching about how meat isn�t very good for you and they are constantly ordering salads, chances are..hello!! They are a vegetarian. Same as a non cat person. Cats know that if you don�t pet them every chance you get, that you spend most of your time talking about dogs and comparing them to cats as the better animal then a cat is going to figure out that they are..well.. Pardon the pun, barking up the wrong tree with you.

SONORA
[stumbles out of bed, looking like something the cat dragged in] What time is it??

JASON
Just a minute, playing a game on the computer.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Oh well if you�re busy with something important I�ll just look myself. [looks at the watch on her wrist] [VOICE OVER] Yeah yeah, I�m lazy, I know it. Bite me. [looks in the mirror] [VOICE OVER] Well it doesn�t look like I�ll be making the cover of Playboy this year.

[Next is shown Sonora�s mother Gail. She is going thru all of her medicine bottles and taking a few pills out of certain ones and swallowing]

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] That�s my mother. My husband and I and my parents share the house. It�s actually divided into 2 houses with one roof. We have a lot of privacy and it�s nice having my parents nearby. The only problem is..

GAIL
[banging on the floor] Sonora, Jason, are you up??

SONORA
[looking up] [VOICE OVER] Every now and then I get the feeling that the ceiling is going to come caving in on top of us.

GAIL
Let�s see here. [reads off different kinds of medicine]

SONORA
My mother has enough medicine to open her own pharmacy. She�s not a hypochondriac. She�s actually the opposite. She has a million minor things wrong with her but refuses to admit to having any of them. One of her doctors diagnosed with her diabetes. Guess what her response was.

[FLASHBACK]

GAIL
It�s only temporary diabetes.

SONORA
I never heard of temporary diabetes.

JASON
At least not from anyone with at least an average IQ.

GAIL
That�s because only a very select few know about it. I will just have to work hard at getting cured.

[BACK TO PRESENT]

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Three months later she announces she�s cured of diabetes and no longer has it. That�s either strong will power or serious denial. I personally vote for the latter.

[Sonora�s father Leo is getting dressed. He puts on a necklace with a cross charm]

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] And who could forget deal old dad?? Obsessed with sports and religion. Odd combo huh?? He was a reasonably normal father until he hit his mid life crisis. Then out of the blue he starts getting obsessed with country music and religion. And I don�t mean obsessed as a little girl gets obsessed with Barbie dolls. I mean obsessed as in an ex you want to forget about who just won�t leave you alone and pledges their undying love to you by burning your name surrounded by a heart outside your house. Now I don�t really get country music and if I offend any country music lovers out there, bite me. It�s the same old shit with the only difference in each song who is singing it. You think I�m wrong?? I dare you to find one country music song that doesn�t talk about love, self pitying or alcohol. As for the religion� my father went for years without stepping foot inside of a church unless it was for a wedding or a funeral. Now he goes every week and tries to recruit everyone else into going. I asked him once why the sudden interest in church. To which I got this reply:

[FLASHBACK]

LEO
It�s a decision that every person has to make when they reach a certain age. When you reach that age you�ll see it too.

[BACK TO PRESENT]

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Oooook. I think I heard Pat Robertson say that once. Anyways.. My husband and I have been married for about 8 years. We met young, we fell in love quick, got married twice and have sex more now than when we were newlyweds which isn�t a whole lot but I�m not going to complain� much. Maybe the fact that neither of us really knew what we were doing back then played a factor in that. Kinda gives new meaning to the phrase practice makes perfect huh?? My husband and I met off the internet. Back then you tell people you met someone off the internet and they say �the inter what??�.

[Jason is shown]

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Damn isn�t he good looking?? I wonder every day what I did to deserve him and why he loves me. I love the answers he gives.

[Various shots of Jason are shown with different answers]

JASON
Because you�re beautiful�sweet�pretty�funny�smart�good in bed�you�re you.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] That doesn�t mean he�s excluded from faults. One of which and this drives me crazy is his insane desire to sometimes make up words and claim them as real ones.

[Various shots of Jason are shown as he says various non words]

JASON
Ahduno�Ahduno�Ahduno�Ahduno�Ahduno�Ahduno�Ahduno�

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Okay maybe it�s just the one made up word but it�s so damn annoying. I mean Jesus.. Is a person so lazy that they can�t say 3 fucking words??

[VOICE OVER as Jason is shown again] He�s about 9 years older than me which means we�re in the same decade for one of those years every decade. He never really dated before me and I never dated before him. Both of his parents are still alive, which I guess is a blessing. But then.. aren�t some blessings overrated?? He has one sister who is the definition of a pain in the ass. If you looked in the dictionary and they actually included the phrase �pain in the ass�, it would say: See Shelby Sundance insert married name number 1, insert married number 2, insert married name number 3, insert married name 4. As for Jason, all the things he says I am, I think he is and more.

SONORA
[getting dressed]
[VOICE OVER] I guess now I need to tell more about me huh?? Well let�s see. I�m 26, brunette, brown eyes, mouth like a sailor in heat, and I�ve been told that I will say anything that comes into my head, which you know what.. I won�t dispute. The first 20 years of my life I held my tongue and barely said anything. I then got diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, started taking Paxil and suddenly 20 years worth of thoughts and opinions came busting out of my mouth.. And they haven�t stopped. Yes that�s right I have an anxiety disorder which basically means I could have a panic attack at a moment�s notice and things that might not scare the normal person might scare me. But I deal.

JASON
[gets a pill bottle and opens it] Hey, did you take your Paxil yet??

SONORA
Probably not. [smiles and kisses Jason and takes the pill and sighs] I swear this looks like a Viagra pill.

JASON
Well swallow it and when you get an erection let me know.

SONORA
Yeah I�ll do that. Just make sure that ass is nice and virginal.

JASON
It is and it�s going to stay that way.

SONORA
Awww� don�t you want some big guy named Bubba to deflower it. Maybe he wouldn�t make you share the remote control.

JASON
No he probably wouldn�t. He�d probably keep it and make me watch some awful movie like [playful gasp] �Steel Magnolias�.

SONORA
Mm hmm.. could be worse.

JASON
Oh yeah??

SONORA
Yeah, he might want to fuck you during it.

JASON
Is that a fact?? Well.. What if I send him your way??

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Now there�s a real threat. My husband wound not only allow but send me a big guy who likes to fuck as much as I do. What a punishment. I should say that.. instead I think I�ll just say:

SONORA
He wouldn�t want me. I haven�t been a virgin back there since the night of our engagement dinner.

JASON
[looks slightly shocked] One of these days I need to learn not to get shocked at things you say.

SONORA
[steals a drink of soda] Yeah you should.

[Gail is shown]

GAIL
Sonora?? Jason?? Are you up??!?!?

SONORA
Let me handle this. [walks over to the door and opens it, looking up] Do you mind?!?! I am trying to give my husband a blowjob and it makes it difficult to answer you when I have his massive cock in my mouth!! Now I gotta start all over again, dammit.

[Back to present, the last bit wasn�t real but a figment of Sonora�s imagination]

SONORA
[VOICE OVER as she walks over to the door] Yeah like I�d really say that to her. Jesus H. Christ why can�t you just pick up a phone and call down to us or knock on the door like a sane person would do you freaking pain in the ass nagging.. [Sweet voice] Mommy!! [gives a fake smile] Is there something I can help you with??

[SCENE 2: Jason and Leo are moving a large and heavy mirror around in the living room upstairs. They place it on the wall in various places. They are both getting rather tired and irritated but are trying not to show it. Sonora is sitting on a chair in the kitchen attached to the living room as Gail is giving directions]

GAIL
Hmm� I don�t know. Maybe the other wall would be better.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] This is getting ridiculous.

JASON
Which wall?? There are 4 in here. Can I take a cigarette break??

GAIL
After we get this mirror put up.

SONORA
I can take over while he smokes.

JASON
You�re actually approving of me going out for a cigarette??

SONORA
If it�s a choice between you smoking a cigarette or breaking your back, I�ll choose the cigarette. Want me to go out with you??

JASON
Ahduno�

SONORA
[stands erect and closes her eyes at hearing that] Honey�[fake smile] come here a minute.

[Jason puts the mirror down slowly and walks over. Sonora kisses him and suddenly Jason screams out as Sonora bites his tongue extra hard. This lasts several seconds as it returns to Sonora as Jason comes over. The last few seconds clearly being a figment of Sonora�s imagination]

JASON
[grins] Yes??

SONORA
[kisses his forehead and whispers] Your fly is undone.

JASON
[mumbles to Sonora] Nice try� not buying it.

SONORA
[shrugs] Suit yourself.

[Jason walks away, checking his fly when he�s certain Sonora won�t see and walks outside the sliding doors on to the deck]

SONORA
I can take over until Jason gets back.

GAIL
No you can�t do it.

SONORA
That�s rather sexist of you mother.

GAIL
It�s a fact.

SONORA
Okay well how can I help??

GAIL
Stay out of the way.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Gee thanks for the ego boost, mom. Next time why don�t you just say my ass is big.

[Jason takes a drag off his cigarette as Sonora walks out]

JASON
I figured you�d come out here eventually.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] And if I had stayed in he would have come in saying he knew I was going to stay in.

JASON
Has your mother decided where to put the mirror??

SONORA
Yep.. she�s got it narrowed down to 2 places. Here or there.

GAIL
[walks out, holding a cigarette] Can I join you??

SONORA
No this is a pay deck. You either pay 20 dollars or you dance.

GAIL
[lights a cigarette] Well since it�s my deck I�ll take 20 dollars from you and Jason can dance.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] I so walked into that one.

GAIL
You know Sonora, you�re so smart that you don�t smoke.

SONORA
Yeah I guess I�m just too big a fan of breathing. [VOICE OVER] I guess that�s not a genetic trait.

GAIL
You�re an inspiration.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] To who??

GAIL
If Jason and I were smart we�d follow your example.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] I think I�m going to puke.

GAIL
I�ll eventually quit. I am working on it you know.

SONORA
Can you be trying to quit smoking and actually smoking at the same time??

GAIL
I�m down to half a pack a day.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] She was at a quarter of a pack last month.

GAIL
You�re the smart one.

SONORA
Not really. Here I could be lighting up, having a good ole time with you two, instead I�m sitting here getting second hand smoke. Zero fun, twice the threat. Of course that�s if I�m lucky. I�ll probably have to watch both of you slowly kill your lungs and then wither and die while I�m left alone. [VOICE OVER] Sorry, can�t help it. It�s an actual fear I have. Welcome to a piece of my anxiety disorder. Twenty bucks says that comment will not go off without a reply.

JASON
Well�aren�t you in a wonderful mood.

GAIL
Sonora, this has got to stop.

SONORA
What??

GAIL
This constant worrying.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] HELLO, I have an anxiety disorder.

GAIL
You�re driving us all crazy.

SONORA
I can�t help it.

GAIL
Now I don�t want to hear that. You can.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Don�t you just love how people who have never gone thru something think they know more about it then the people who have??

GAIL
Why don�t you listen to those tapes I got you??

SONORA
Tapes can�t fix a chemical imbalance. [VOICE OVER] Especially these tapes. Half the tapes ask you if you have this or that and do you feel this way or find yourself thinking that. The other half are just a bunch of people saying �I was in such trouble, but these tapes helped me and now I�m better.� What a crock. �The Little Engine That Could� book would probably be of better use.

GAIL
Well I listened to them and found them very helpful.

SONORA
But you don�t have an anxiety disorder.

GAIL
Exactly, so you should find them even more helpful.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] I�m not even going to touch that one.

JASON
Let�s talk about something else.

GAIL
Look I just don�t want you to convince yourself that it�s out of your hands and nothing can be done.

JASON
She didn�t say that.

SONORA
I do the best I can.

GAIL
No I don�t think you do. I think you like using it as an excuse to say and do whatever you want and let me just say another thing� [A small part of the deck gives out and Gail falls thru it. She screams out as she falls down]

JASON
Oh my God!! What happened??

SONORA
Her mouth burned a hole in the floor.

A second later we see Sonora as Gail is still going. The last few seconds a figment of her imagination]

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] [over top of Gail�s rambling] Okay that may have been a bit on the mean side.

GAIL
Do you understand what I am saying??

SONORA
I think so. Your opinion is that I�m a paranoid bitch who treats her anxiety disorder like a pig treats a pile of mud. I roll around in it and have a gay old time.

GAIL
That is NOT what I said.

JASON
Let�s just go back inside.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER as she watches Jason try to calm Gail down] Ever since I was diagnosed my mother thinks my anxiety disorder is a made up condition that I just woke up one morning and gave myself and the doctors just go along with it so they can get a commission of the money we spend on getting Paxil.

GAIL
[walks back inside] I�ll be in my bedroom.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] To sulk about having a horrible messed up daughter no doubt.

JASON
[walks over to Sonora] You okay??

SONORA
Peachy.

JASON
[hugs Sonora] Don�t let her get to you. Just ignore her.

SONORA
I�m going downstairs.

JASON
Okay. [they kiss and Sonora walks downstairs. He looks at the mirror as everyone has spread out thru the house] Ummmm� [hurries to the stairs and down the stairs] Walk away, walk away.

[SCENE 3: Sonora is on the computer]

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Sorry you had to see that. Actually, let me rephrase. I�m sorry I had to go thru that with you watching. I know the whole �Honor thy mother and thy father� but it�s hard to honor someone when they�re acting like a horse�s ass. It just doesn�t work.

[Jason walks in with the mail]

SONORA
Did any of my magazines come??

JASON
Yeah but the neighbors got to them first. [pause] What are you doing??

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Getting hemorrhoids probably. [Regular Voice] Looking up stuff.

JASON
Oh?? Anything I�d be interested in?? [walks over and sees Sonora on www.webmd.com and sighs] Sonora why are you at that site??

SONORA
[looks at him] I�m thinking of investing in it. What do you think I�m doing there??

JASON
Sending yourself into another panic attack would be my guess.

SONORA
I�m just double checking.

JASON
Double checking what?? That I don�t have cancer?? I can do that for you right now. I don�t have cancer.

SONORA
Does your chest hurt??

JASON
Only when an elephant sits on it.

SONORA
Do you wheeze??

JASON
Only when provoked.

SONORA
Do you have a hard time swallowing??

JASON
Yeah because usually they never call afterwards.

SONORA
[sighs] You�re not taking this serious.

JASON
You know the answers. I�ve told you a million times.

SONORA
I just get scared.

JASON
[sits next to her and holds her hand] I know. If I had any of those symptoms I�d tell you right off. But I�m not going anywhere. Face it, you�re stuck with me.

SONORA
I want to be stuck with you.

JASON
I kinda figured that during that whole for richer or poorer thing we did a few years ago.

SONORA
[smiles a little] I hate having an anxiety disorder.

JASON
I hate it too but you are doing better.

SONORA
Yeah when I�m asleep or heavily medicated.

JASON
That�s how I like you best?? [grins]

SONORA
[smiles bigger] When.. Asleep or heavily medicated??

JASON
Ummm.. Both?? [smiles big]

[Sonora and Jason hug]

SONORA
I love you.

JASON
Nahh, you�re just in lust with me.

SONORA
Actually I�m after your money.

JASON
Oh?? Is it my stock in AT&T or my gold mine in South America that turns you on the most??

SONORA
I�d have to say it�s the bridge you own in Brooklyn.

JASON
Aww, sorry I sold that to buy you that Peppermint Patty last night.

SONORA
[stands up and smiles mischievously] That�s okay. After all I sold my bridge in San Francisco for that Limited Edition DVD set of �The Matrix� you wanted so much. [starts walking away]

JASON
Son, you never got me �The Matrix� set.

SONORA
[acts innocent] Oh.. Must have given it to my other husband. [starts running to the bedroom with Jason running after her]

[SCENE 4: Sonora and Jason are in bed together. They are wrapped up in a blanket cuddling. Jason�s head is on Sonora�s chest]

JASON
Ooohhhh, that was amazing.

SONORA
I aim to please. [grins]

JASON
How about another round??

SONORA
What do I look like.. The energizer bunny??

JASON
Oh but it felt sooo good.

SONORA
It was supposed to but even I need a break.

JASON
Pleeeeease.

SONORA
What do I get??

JASON
My love and gratitude?? I�ll even throw in a few extra kisses.

SONORA
Oh what a smooth talker you are.

JASON
Please. You�re just so good.

SONORA
Well� okay. [puts her hand on Jason�s back and rubs it]

JASON
Oohhh yes� thank you!!

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] I�m so easy. The truth is I�d walk thru fire over a pile of broken glass for him. I guess rubbing his back until my hand cramps up doesn�t take too much more effort than that.

JASON
What are you thinking about??

SONORA
Sex, drugs�

JASON
And rock n� roll??

SONORA
Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of world domination.

JASON
Sounds like fun.

SONORA
Do you ever wonder how sex got started??

JASON
I think it started with a dick.

SONORA
Probably. Did someone just wake up one morning and say �Hey I�m bored and this jerking off thing can only so far. I wonder what else I can do with my cock.�

[Jason lifts his head up and looks at Sonora strangely]

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Oh don�t you look at me like you never wondered.

JASON
Well considering I�m not very religious I don�t know how well my answer will be but..

SONORA
Share it anyways.

JASON
Well here�s what I would say. Eve got Adam and herself kicked out of the Garden Of Eden for eating that apple right??

SONORA
Yeah..??

JASON
Well, what if Adam was so pissed he told her the only way she could make it up to him would be to have sex with him??

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Off the record, that actually kind of makes sense� in a perverted messed up kind of way.

JASON
What do you think??

SONORA
Okay then how did Adam know about sex??

JASON
Well he was born with a male brain.

SONORA
Maybe he looked at Eve and actually realized he was looking at her naked and got a massive erection�

JASON
And she thought he got stung by something and was trying to suck the poison out?? [grins]

SONORA
Okay that would explain oral sex, what about regular sex??

JASON
Okay I got the answer to that one.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] I can�t wait to hear this.

JASON
Say she got her period�

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Oh I am loving this already. Sex that started with a period.. how romantic.

JASON
He thought Eve was bleeding and tried to well.. Use his dick and put pressure or plugging it up and stop the bleeding.

[Sonora looks at Jason]

SONORA & JASON
New topic.

[Pause for a moment and the phone rings]

SONORA
If it�s for me I�m not here.

JASON
You think it�s Jennifer??

SONORA
If I�m not meant to speak for the next hour while she talks nonstop then yes it is.

GAIL
[yells down] It�s Jennifer.

SONORA
Shit. [goes over and picks up the phone and puts on a fake smile] Hellllllo Jennifer. [VOICE OVER] Jennifer is about as conceited as you can get. She rarely lets you talk, doesn�t care how you are. I swear I think she asks how you are just so she can say she did ask. She constantly has problems going on and does nothing to fix them. For example she�s currently separated from her husband. There�s about 400 miles between them. When he comes to visit their son they put on a happy face for him, have sex several times, fight the last day he�s there and then she calls complaining that she constantly finds proof when he visits that he�s fucking other girls. My question is, why have sex with him then?? To which I get the following responses:

[Montage of Jennifer�s excuses]

JENNIFER
I have needs. It just happened. I can�t find anyone else at the moment. Well we were getting along up until then.

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Okay I have to respond. The �I have needs.� excuse. Buy a fucking dildo. You control the placement and speed and you can�t get any diseases. �It just happened.� Now who in the hell invented that excuse?? Probably a man who just read about spontaneous combustion and thought he could claim the same about sex. Rain �just happens�, a leaf falling from a tree �just happens�. Sex does NOT just happen. There�s several minutes of thinking, touching and moving around involved before the actual act happens. The �I can�t find anyone else at the moment.� line. Well it�s kind of hard to lure in any customers when you�re giving out free samples to the enemy. As for the �We were getting along fine up until then.� Of course you were.. You think the guy�s going to come whoring around looking for sex and acting like a total pig first??

SONORA
[Actual voice] Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh.

SONORA

[VOICE OVER] This is typical conversation that goes on anywhere from 1-3 hours at any given time. You think if I offered to go down on her she�d shut up??

[An hour later]

SONORA
Okay.. Uh huh.. Yeah.. Uh huh. [VOICE OVER] [looks outside] Look at all those people out there� who don�t have to listen to this garbage. The obvious question I�m sure you�re asking is why do I put up with this??

[FLASHBACK: Gail is shown]

GAIL
You two have been friends since you were born� and besides she has no one else.

[BACK TO PRESENT]

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Actually I prefer the �Because I�m too sweet to tell her to fuck off.� I think the last thing I told her anything about me was when I told her we got a new computer.. 2 years ago. The reply I got was:

[FLASHBACK: Jennifer is shown]

JENNIFER
That�s cool, can I use it?? I haven�t gotten to check my e-mail in weeks. Aaron always uses the one we have and he just won�t share. Did I tell you that he wants to switch internet providers?? I mean I think the one we have is fine, I don�t know why he wants to switch but that�s Aaron.

[BACK TO PRESENT]

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] Actually before that I told her about my anxiety disorder.

[FLASHBACK: Sonora and Jennifer are shown. They are driving around in a car]

SONORA
Well I went to the doctor the other day.

JENNIFER
Oh that reminds me I have to go to the doctor next week. I just hope I can get off work to go.

SONORA
Do you remember me telling you I was going to see why I was depressed and having panic attacks??

JENNIFER
Oh I have been so busy, I can�t remember anything sometimes. Do you think I could be getting Old-Timers?? Yesterday I was taking Josh to his play group and I completely messed up the time. I felt so stupid and of course Aaron was of no help. He was out who knows where, screwing who knows who on who knows what.

SONORA
[getting frustrated] She said I have an anxiety disorder.

JENNIFER
Oh I�ve heard of those..

SONORA
Yeah from me, remember?? The doctor said she thought I might have it and was doing some tests to find out�??

JENNIFER
Oh yeah.

SONORA
I told you all the symptoms and everything and was waiting for her to call.

JENNIFER
Yeah of course I remember. Oh I hate having medical tests done. Aaron went with me to my last blood test and was flirting with one of the nurses.

SONORA
Well I have it.

JENNIFER
Have what??

SONORA
[takes a deep breath] An anxiety disorder??

JENNIFER
Isn�t that where you�re afraid to leave the house??

SONORA
[getting pissed] No.

JENNIFER
Oh. I thought it was.

SONORA
Do you want to know what it is??

JENNIFER
Okay but then right after I want to tell you what Aaron did last night.

[BACK TO PRESENT]

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] I never did get to tell her. About 10 seconds into it she stopped me and said she forgot she had to call Aaron to remind him to pick up their son Josh at day care.

JASON
[watching and writes a note] Here.

SONORA
[looks at the note that reads �Want me to get the cell phone and call you so you can say there�s another call and you have to hang up??� She nods] Uh huh..

[Jason goes upstairs]

SONORA
[sighs] Jennifer� have you ever taken a flying leap?? No?? [throws the phone out the window] You have NOW!!!

[Back to Sonora on the phone. The last minute was a figment of Sonora�s imagination]

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] If I die while on here would someone please take this phone and shove it up her ass?? [hears a beep] [real voice] Umm Jennifer� someone is on the other line.. No I don�t know who it is. It�s probably someone for my mom. Can I call you back?? Well then I�ll call you tomorrow. Yes I know you have church tomorrow, it doesn�t last all day you know. Jennifer this person is going to hang up if I don�t hurry up and switch. [pause and gets a piece of paper and starts wadding it up by the receiver] Jennifer?? Jennifer?? I can�t hear you.. I think we�re losing a signal.. Jennifer.. Jennifer?? [clicks the phone off] [VOICE OVER as Sonora tosses the phone on bed] A root canal is less painful than that.

[SCENE 5: Sonora is online chatting]

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] I think I have more friends online than offline. It�s not that I�m a computer geek, actually it�s more like computer friends are easier to keep happy than offline ones are, with a few exceptions.

[Sonora goes to a website where she has her online journal up. She titles it �Losing My Mind, One Thought At A Time�. She clicks on �Add An Entry� and starts typing]

SONORA
[VOICE OVER] This is so Doogie Howser. I think my journal has a much better design than his did and was I the only one who thought Doogie�s journal sounded more like stereo instructions or some kind of philosophy paper than a journal?? This is my second entry. The first entry was basically a summary of my life which I�ve already given you]

[She finishes typing and reads over it. The title is shown along with the entry]

�WHO I AM IN 10 WORDS OR LESS�

I saw a survey the other day that at the end there was a question that asked me to sum up who I am in one word. There are a billion words on this planet and I could only choose one?? What the hell kind of sense does that make?? Since when does one word accurately describe someone?? I think a sentence would be better �A lovable, pain in the ass, opinionated, bitchy sweetheart.� Any questions??

[FADE OUT]

[EPISODE 1.1]