In Brandon Lee's last interview he quoted from a book. What it said was very intersting. Here it is:

"Because we do not know when we are going to die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well and yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number really. How many times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood? An afternoon that is so deeply a part of your being that you cannot conceive of your life without it? Perhaps 4 .... 5 times more. Perhaps not even that. How many times will you watch the full moon rise ...... Perhaps twenty and yet it all seems limitless."

Each time I hear that quote and/or read it I realize just how true it is. So many events in our life make the person we become. If you take away any of them, even just one of them, then you are changing who you are. The way my husband and I met for example. So many things could have went a different way, and if any of them had, me and him would not have met. Another example is how 9 years ago today (December 27) a snow/ice storm, curvy mountain roads and nearly wrecking several times has now scarred me when it comes to driving in bad weather.

Some people think that the big events are the only things that can really change you and you can tell the difference. I disagree. Consider this. People who get into car accidents and are able to walk away from them because they wore their seatbelt. That one decision that took 2 seconds to think about and another 2 seconds to execute saved a life. Granted, some decisions don't change your life that much but others can have big impacts on your life.

The anniversary of my cat's death is coming up. I was thinking about my little girl last night and how if she had been born, she would have been a newborn when my cat was dying. It took my cat 2 long days to die. My cat died on his own, and he wasn't put to sleep. I couldn't bring myself to do it. Not to mention, he hated car rides and the car ride would upset him so much, I didn't have the heart to do it. I wondered, and still do, if my daughter had lived and would have only been a few weeks old when my cat started dying, would we have been able to take care of both the way they deserved?? I'm sure we could have taken care of the baby, but what about my cat?? As hard as it was watching my cat slowly die, I am glad I was there with him and didn't put him to sleep. I had promised myself and my cat (if this sounds silly, oh well) that I would not let him die alone. And I can't help but wonder if my daughter had lived, would I have been able to keep that promise?? Would I have had to put my cat to sleep because we couldn't have taken care of him and our daughter at the same time?? I remember when my cat was dying, I slept maybe an hour or two out of 48 hours, I barely ate, and I left his side only for a couple minutes at a time. And as my cat died, I was holding his paw and crying, my husband by my side. I don't think I could have put my cat to sleep, but I have a feeling if my daughter had lived, I may not have really had a choice in the matter. I had my cat for 14 and a half years and in many ways that cat was like a child to me. People have told me maybe there was a reason our daughter died. I used to refuse to believe that but you know..maybe they were right. And maybe this sounds really stupid..but what if..our daughter died...so my cat could get the proper care and die the way I know he would have wanted and deserved.