My husband and I made up last night. I felt bad for the fight, and I still do. I hate fighting with my husband. I always feel guilty for some things I say even though sometimes I don't say anything bad. Just the fighting alone. He's the last person in the world I want to fight with. Besides, he's too good at fighting, even if I win, how would I know it with how good his arguments usually are?? hehe

My mother and I had another battle in our version of "Family Feud". I made the mistake of telling her how I felt about my step-grandmother signing a card to me "Your Grandmother". My mother didn't take it well and said that the woman is my grandmother and I should be honored by her considering herself my grandmother. She went on and on saying how wrong I was to get upset by it. Well if she's so insisant on my calling this woman my grandmother why doesn't she call her "mom"?? My mother decided to turn into "drama queen mama". She said "Well, if you don't consider her your grandmother, then maybe she shouldn't leave you anything when she dies." Yeah mom, I should start calling her "grandma" just so she'll leave me a nice inheritance.

As I've said before, I care a lot about my step-grandmother. I really do. But she's not my grandmother and why is it so important that I refer to her as such?? My husband brought up a good point tonight. Is her trying to call herself "grandmother" that's got me upset or the fact that she hasn't done it before in the nearly 23 years I've been alive?? I think it's both. Does that make sense?? It bothers me that in the almost 23 years I've been alive she never once referred to herself as "grandmother" or even suggested I call her that. Now all of a sudden she's giving herself that title?? Why now?? Why does it bother my mother so much?? If she wanted to be referred to as my grandmother why not do it when I was a kid??

The fact still remains that she's not my grandmother and trying to call her "grandma" now would just seem strange. But do I call her by her name as I've done my whole life?? I called my father's mother by her first name until the day she died. She died when I was 7 though. I didn't know the whole meaning behind "grandma" and "grandpa". Now that I'm older realizing my father's mother as my grandmother now makes seem calling her by her name all that time seem ridiculous. Now that my step-grandmother is calling herself my grandmother will calling her by name feel just as strange as calling her "grandma" now would??

I tried to ignore my mother's words of how ungrateful I am because of this. I got on her computer and before I even clicked the connect button I realized she wasn't going to let up. So I told my husband I wanted to leave. He said okay and we left. Once we got home my mother called and my husband talked to her. The fact that I could hear her across the room proved that it was a good thing I wasn't talking to her. I'd hate to lose my voice fighting again with her. Besides fighting with my mother on the phone usually leads to one of us hanging up on the other or my dropping the phone and asking my husband to talk to her.

My mother told my husband that she thought the only reason I was bringing the whole thing up about the card was to get out of calling my step-grandmother on her birthday. Excuse me??!!??! If I wanted to get out of calling her I would certaintly come up with a better reason. My mother insisted she wasn't calling to keep the fight going. She wanted to make sure my husband would get dinner since we didn't stay for it. Yeah mom we can't feed ourselves without you. We don't know how to eat unless we're in your house and your house gives us the knowledge to know how to eat.

After my husband got off the phone with my mother we went out to get dinner. We went back over to my parents' house hoping she would be in a better mood. She acted all sad and quiet. Her usual reaction when me and her have a fight. There was a commerical for depression on the television as we were eating dinner. My mother said "That's me." I just sighed. She knew why I sighed and she said "I meant the smiley face." Yeah sure mom. That's why you look like you just came out of a trance.

We're still at my parents' house right now. My husband is watching a Janet Jackson concert. My mother is on the phone with my step-grandmother. My father just came in and he found out I didn't want to talk to my step-grandmother right now. Is that such a bad thing?? Maybe I want a little privacy when I talk to her. Maybe I don't know what to say except "Happy Birthday." My father said "Well you just remember that next time you want to talk to her or you need something."

*Sigh*

Is there anything I can do right in my parents' eyes??

9:55pm: P.S. I read my horoscope a little while ago and this is what it said:

Be careful of getting into arguments with others, because you do not stand a chance of winning, dear Taurus. More than likely, no one is going to be the winner today, because everyone is going to be so convinced that their opinion is the right one that they will barely even listen to anything else. Your best plan of attack is to listen, absorb, and file away the information that comes your way. You can pull it out and use it more effectively on a later date.

Why oh why didn't I read that earlier??