Someone my mother works with lives on a lake and told my mother she could come and jump in the lake anytime she wanted. So for the last week or so my mother has been trying to get Dec21 and I to go with her to the lake. Well today..we agreed. MISTAKE #1.

Once we decided Dec21, my mother and me would all go, we had like 10 minutes to get ready because it was already about 3pm. We got ready, went over to my parents' house and started driving up there. Dec21 and I rode in the back seat. MISTAKE #2. We couldn't feel the air conditioner and had to have the windows rolled down to the max. Considering though that it was the back seat and most back seat windows are child proofed the windows only went down so far. Keep in mind it was in the high 90's outside.

This place was next to impossible to find. It was in the middle of NOWHERE. I felt like I was on the set of "Green Acres". Most of the streets only led up to ONE house and had weird names like "Martin" and "Dan". I'm suspecting it was names of people who lived in the houses. I guess that's the advantage to living in the middle of nowhere. You can name a street after you like you were someone famous.

There were nonstop curves in the road, and some of it were gravel and 99% of it didn't have any railings so if you went a couple feet off the road, down into the lake you would surely go. Not to mention my mother kept saying she was thinking we had gone the wrong way and we were lost. I had had about enough and was ready to go home. The public pool is easier to find and a lot less trouble. Not to mention my mother who was driving. (MISTAKE #3) She was going fast and swirlving every couple minutes which didn't do much for my nerves or my interest in staying which was quickly lessening by the second. My mother said "This road is so patchy" My response to that was "Yeah so is my nerves!!"

We FINALLY got there and one would think there would be some relief felt by all 3 of us. WRONG!! We were at the top of a steep hill..the lake was at the BOTTOM of the steep hill. Now, I suggested we just go on home. No one listened to me and we started going down. This was MISTAKE #4. There were steps leading down to the lake. That's good right?? NOPE!! There were 5 flights of stairs with at least 15 steps per flight.

By the time we finally used up all the steps, I was drenched in sweat and we weren't to the lake yet. Not to mention my legs were already sore from walking down all those steps. Apparently the woman who owns the house hadn't quite finished the trail to the lake. The final flight of steps was missing the last few steps leaving a several foot gap to the bottom.

Now at this point I was more than willing to go home and declare this a learning experience. I looked around and saw no other path to the lake and I said "Well thank you mother for a truly wonderful experience. Now if you don't mind I think I'll go home." Dec21 and my mother looked for ways to get to the lake.

My mother went on the steep hill with rocks and got down there. Dec21 decided to just sit down on the last step and slide down. Yeah I might have thought of that too if my ankles weren't more messed up than the economy. So I decided to walk down to the last step then walk around the gap. That was MISTAKE #5. I tried crawling around it to avoid the rocks. That didn't work well either and I wound up on my ass struggling to get back up just to have to go the way my mother went. My mother then was kind enough to point out how she believed I had just rolled in poison ivy. Great..just great. Home was looking better every milisecond.

We walked on to the first part of the dock. So far no problem. Then I walked on to the second part. MISTAKE #6. I felt like I was on a surfboard or reinacting "The Poseidon Adventure" just before the ship turned upside down. My mother suggested we go ahead and get in the water. . MISTAKE #7. The water was dirtier than Bin Laden's beard. It had all kinds of stuff floating in it including a few glass bottles. Spin the bottle anyone??;)) Also the only way to get in was to go jump in or go down the ladder that was very narrow and barely gave you a good grip as you tried to hold on.

I got into the water (MISTAKE #8) and holy shit was it cold!! My mother seems to believe the worst is when your ass gets wet. I would have to disagree and think the bust area is the worst. If you get your ass cold you can just sit back down on it, bam it's dry in no time. You get your bust cold and wet and you're screwed. Not to mention the water for some reason wants to stay there and stay colder.

The water never did warm up and all we had to do was float in the water. We only brought a couple floats and we couldn't touch the bottom. Well we could also watch a couple boats and jet ski here and there. Actually I think it was the same one just making a lot of round trips. Not extremely fun.

I tried helping to blow up one of the floats and wound up going too fast and getting it rammed into my hand. I said "Oww" and kept on going. Even though I was still wanting to go home.

I was starting to beg to go home..every other second. No one was really having a great time. My mother kept promising it would get better. Yeah sure..okay. Finally I made a deal with my mother. Even though I was already half dry I agreed to get on one of her floats and then we could go home 5 minutes later. MISTAKE #9 has been made.

Sitting in that float I felt like a beached whale in a net. I told Dec21 and my mother if they lift me up a few inches I could do an impression of a tea bag. After a few minutes of playing Flipper, I was ready to get out. My mother told me to just get on the ladder and crawl out. Yeah SOOO easy...NOT!! I wound up bagging my foot against the dock and that hurt like hell and made 2 nice bruises by the time I got out of the water. My mother backed out of her deal and made us stay awhile longer. She said to get us to be dryer. I say so she could stay longer.

My mother's friend got home and came down as we were finally getting ready to leave. My mother got seasick and ran off the dock and almost threw up. After a few minutes we decided to walk back up. I noticed a driveway a few feet away and I thought it would be easier to walk up that then challenge the steps. WELCOME TO MISTAKE #10. My mother and I went up the driveway as Dec21 and my mother's friend went up the stairs. I thought all we had to do was go up a simple driveway. THINKING THAT BRINGS US TO MISTAKE #11.

It wasn't just a little driveway. It was a long driveway that went straight up in the hot sun. Then we turned and went up another long, straight up driveway, then another turn and..you guessed it. It was another long, straight up driveway. It felt like we would never get back. Finally after going uphill as much as we could go we had to go down a steep gravel hill. At this point I had decided I was NEVER coming back.

We stayed a little while at my mother's friend's house. We saw how she's building on and we saw her cats. We left and all the way back I was sick as hell. I was wet and felt miserable. Not to mention I had only eaten a turkey sandwich all day so my stomach was getting to me as well.

We finally got home, took a nice hot shower and I fell asleep for a couple hours. I didn't even bother getting dressed. I just laid down on the bed and was asleep in 5 minutes. Now I have to sit and wait to see if I have poison ivy, if I'm going to get an ear ache from Camp Crystal Lake (not real name of course but it reminded me of the Friday The 13th movies quite a bit), and be very grateful I don't have to relive this day.

Now if anyone ever tells me to go jump in a lake, my response is going to be "Been there, done that, bought the soundtrack and then burned it."