*Sighs*

I'm so depressed. My mother in law is still being a pain. Basically by just being herself. My mother is being half a bitch and half nice. She's alternating. My husband and I have been bickering a bit back and forth over what to do about Christmas. I don't want to go to his sister's house but I want him to be happy. He wants to go to his sister's but he wants me to be happy. We keep going back and forth between saying we're going and not going. I said I'd go for him and I would. I don't know what's going to happen. His mother wrote and I guess you could say gave us a way out. She said "I think it would be in her best interest if you two don't come." Sounds nice doesn't it?? Then she added "I am not going to take the blame if she has a setback or she can't handle it." Well gee why not?? You're the main reason I can't handle being in a room with you.

My father is still treating my husband and I like we are his personal slave labor. He wants all this done, and never says please and never says thank you. Last night he needed something done on the computer and like a fool I offered to do it for him. Did I get a "thank you"?? Nope. Did I get a "I appreciate you helping."?? Hell no. When I mentioned he didn't say thank you, he said "I said thank you." Yeah whatever..funny how no one else heard it when there were 3 other people in the room besides him. The longer my father is retired, the more lazy he gets.

My husband and I have made up from the bickering. That helps. I hate fighting with him. I hate fighting with anyone in general. It's a waste of energy and it wears out nerves that you could probably use for a better cause.

I thought there was a chance I was pregnant the last couple days. Although I know it was a long shot and it would be really bad timing considering I am taking paxil, I couldn't help but wish I was pregnant. Well last night's late arrival or that time of the month showed I wasn't. Ironic huh?? The first period I ever got was 12 years ago on Halloween. I should be kinda glad I'm not pregnant right now, but at the same time, I really want to be. To make my mood even better, on a scale 1-10, the cramps I have rate about a 9 and climbing.

As depressed as I am, I'm still keeping up the good mood and happy act in front of my parents. I actually let my guard down and let my mother have a preview of what I'm like without the act. I cried, I yelled, I even showed a sample of how much in a depression I'm in. She got mad, told me I was worrying her, that I was crazy, and that I needed to get over it. Now, does anyone still wonder why I put on an act around her?? My father on the other hand wouldn't even notice if my mood went from estatic to irrational in 2.2 seconds. The only people who seem to be seeing the real me are my husband and some people online. Well the counselor does too. Although she is told how I am she has yet to fully see it. That's probably a good thing.

My mother is big on literally pointing that finger of hers. Am I the only one who finds that annoying?? Finally I told her she shouldn't point her finger at a crazy person. Am I crazy?? Who knows..who cares. Like my mood??