Some people are hinting..with the saying how my mom wants to be a grandmother..yeah right..I have doubts but what do I know?? Others will imply by saying we should make my father a grandfather. Yes I want kids but we're not going to do it just to make my father a grandfather. And no offense but he's never been an outstanding father, so why should I think he'd be any better at being a grandfather?? A lot of people ask when we're going to have kids. Oh I don't know, when are they going to get a life and grow a heart?!?!? And of course the lectures. The "Oh wait until you have kids..." or what my mom will go on about not wanting to us have kids right now and why.

Relatives in particular are doing this and I am so sick of it. Do they think I want to hear this?!?!?! It seems the ones who know about my losing the baby 5 years ago and know how hard that was and still is for me are the ones doing this the most and I am beyond tired of it. Not to mention it just depresses me. I don't want to hear it, nor do I need to.

Tonight is a great example. Sarita, whom I really do adore most of the time was on the phone with my mom who gave me the phone to talk to her. What does she do?? She starts to tell me about a dream she had about me being pregnant. Okay umm..sure go ahead..not that I want to hear but go ahead..I could use a little twist in the knife as you so delicately remind me about the baby. She says things like "Oh your mom said 'well she went and did it and FINALLY got pregnant." FINALLY?!?!?!?!?!? Excuse me?!!?! First of all, I was pregnant..she knows this..it devastated me and still does to this day. Also is she implying that I'm on a time limit?? Is she saying that if you don't get pregnant after a certain amount of time after getting married it's a bad thing?? Does she think I'm infertile and for me to get pregnant would be a fucking miracle?!?!? She goes on and on and on and then talks about how Jennifer is a bad mother and how Cristen is a bad mother..then talks to me about when I have a baby..and says how things change when you have a child..blah blah blah. I did NOT want to fucking hear this.

Now I do love this woman..she's my cousin and she was in our wedding. I like seeing her, talking to her and hanging out. And if she wants to talk about the baby we lost or about kids in general..FINE..I'm all for it..but I am not going to be jumped on out of nowhere with NO notice and be told of her dreaming I was pregnant and what's going to happen when I get pregnant..blah blah blah. Maybe I sound like a heartless bitch..but I don't need to be lectured about pregnancy. It reminds me of someone stuck up saying something like "Oh you are so lucky you don't have to worry about being so pretty and everyone adoring you."

What also sucks is that my mom knew about what she was going to tell me..or at least about the dream..did she warn me?? Ummmm...NO!!

I'm serious though..if one more person asks when we're going to have a baby, tells me I don't know what it's like so I couldn't possibly understand when it comes to kids, implies, hints or tries to lecture about when we should have a baby then I am going to bite their fucking heads off and spit it down their empty neck!!!