When we got back from my seeing the doctor I told him she said she wants to try to lower the dosage of paxil I'm on again in February. He said "good good." He then proceeded to say I needed to get off paxil. I'm like HUH?? Why?? Those pills keep me sane. You would think he'd notice how I was before paxil and after. I asked him why I need to get off paxil and he said "They aren't good for you."

*shakes head* Am I wrong to take offense to that?? He doesn't pay attention at all. Like when he first started talking about when I lost the baby. Actually I started the conversation and when he decided to chime in he said "So how far along were you??" In the several years before hand he never knew, cared to ask or paid attention when I was pregnant..is that what he's implying?? Of course after he found out I was pregnant and for about 6 months after we lost the baby I didn't exist to him. He didn't speak to me unless he had to or even look at me for 6 months at all. He intentionally went out of his way to avoid me. Like for example one time it was arranged for all of us to go bowling together. We were going to go in the late afternoon/evening. Well he calls up early in the morning saying he's at the bowling alley and if we want to bowl with him to come now. Well it was so early, we didn't have time to get dressed and go bowling right then. Not to mention Dec21 was still in bed. Well I told him this and he said "Well I'm going to go ahead and bowl by myself now, you all can do what you want later." So he'd rather bowl by himself than be around me is how I took that. Am I wrong to have taken it that way??

This weekend he's at a basketball convention. When I was younger he'd give me a hug and a kiss before he left. Lately I have to hint for it or my mom has to remind him to give me a hug before he leaves. Well he was leaving early Friday morning so we said good bye to him on Thursday night. I didn't get a single hug and I barely got a good bye out of him. Nice huh??

Maybe I'm overreacting but it seems like unless I'm talking about sports he doesn't really care what I'm saying. He just nods like he's paying attention but he's not. It upsets me also when I read how girls are always wrapped around their father's fingers and being daddy's girl and everything. I was never even close for a single second that with my father. And I've tried to talk to him about other things..many times in fact. Even when I was a kid he'd brush me off with the line "go talk to your mother about that."

Makes you wonder if I have a father or he's my mother's roommate.