Considering the title of this entry I thought this background was extremely appropiate.

My uncle (my mother's brother) is an interesting person. Although not in the way you would think. He's not some highly intelligent indvidual who can give you detailed thought out answers to any question. What makes him interesting is that he drinks enough in a month to have started his own bar, he makes his own cigarettes to smoke, (and no they aren't marijuana cigarettes) and cusses so much that Quentin Tarantino himself would go into shock at hearing him. One time while my parents and I visited my uncle I tried to count just how many times he cussed. I lost count somewhere after 100 times in a 5 minute period....not kidding!! He's good at playing poker, and plays it every weekend with some of his friends. His mind is almost as dirty as his mouth. He made sure to point out once that he has cards that had pictures of naked women on them and actually showed them to me when I was a kid. I've only seen him actually watch his language and behavior around one person and that was my step-mother's mother. All other times it doesn't matter how old you are, or how you're related to him, he'll just let his mouth go.

My uncle lives in a town that looks like it was the setting for the movie "Coal Miner's Daughter". He lets his hair grow long and he has a beard that usually changes in length. He wears jeans and a t-shirt just about all the time. If you looked at him you'd think he got into the 70's a little TOO much. But in general the guy isn't half bad. He's annoyed me a few times but we get along reasonably well. He's one of those relatives that when I was growing up he'd always ask "How's your love life??"

Now hearing my uncle tell a story is always funny. He can take any story, no matter how boring it could be if it had been told by someone else. The way he tells a story with the cussing and the perspective he has on it is always funny. I didn't hear this story from him. I heard it from my mother. But knowing it happened to my uncle and thinking about how he would have told it, makes it funnier.

Someone my uncle knows brought over some logs for my uncle to have. My uncle has one of those heaters that you have to put logs in to keep it going. Well, my uncle saw green vine like stuff on the first set of logs and noticed it wasn't poison ivy. Then when the second load came he had already been drinking a bit, his thinking slightly impaired by it. He didn't check the green vine like stuff on the second load. So he just let it go and cut it off without checking. No big deal right?? Well...unfortunately it wasn't just some green vine that happened to be there. It was poison ivy. Now while out there my uncle was drinking quite a bit of beer. And as he put it "You know what happenes when you drink a lot of beer." Yep he had to go to the bathroom and instead of going into the bathroom in his house, he decided to use the great outdoors as his personal toilet. Now keep in mind he has poison ivy stuff on his hands, he didn't use gloves, and he had to urinate outside. Now as everyone knows a guy can't just squat. He has to use his hands. And surprise!! The poison ivy stuff got all over his most private part. Now apparently my uncle is extremely sensitive to poison ivy..odds are his penis looks like it just went a couple rounds with sandpaper.

That sounds so uncomfortable. I'm trying to picture him going out somewhere like this. Who do you feel more sorry for though?? Him or the people who would be with him??