Journal entries like these make me happy that I'm not voluntering the url to this to everyone I know. In fact, I haven't told anyone this even exists. Is that a good idea?? Depends on who you ask, but in my opinion you can't really feel free to write whatever you want if people you know are going to be reading it. This is the best way to say what I'm thinking and feeling without having to run the risk of someone I know reading it. Those of you who tell everyone about your journal and encourage them to read it, I have one question for you, WHY?? A diary is supposed to be a private thing with your private thoughts. If you want people knowing your private thoughts, why don't you just go to them and tell them face to face?? Don't get me wrong, I used to keep a written journal and would let my husband read it as much as he wanted, and if he found out about this and wanted to read it I would. I have nothing to hide in this journal. Well that's not entirely true, I am hiding my identity but that's beside the point. Since I am hiding my identity it gives me the freedom to say whatever I want. Why am I putting it online then?? Why not?? Writing the words down hurts my hands, (yeah I know boo hoo poor baby me) and in a way it's more private that way, and call me crazy but I think it's easier and faster to type. Plus it's a lot neater and you don't have to worry about whether or not the eraser on your pencil will last through each entry. And one of the most important reasons, what happens if you write your jjournal on your hard drive then your computer crashes and you've lost it all. I'll take my chances on writing it online and having strangers read it. :)

My mother, gotta wonder about her. Half the time she's one of the sweetest mothers in the world. I say one of, because she's not as cotton candy sweet as some of those mothers you see in 1950's tv shows. What are those women on anyways?? The other half the time she's like Mr. Hyde. She can just be so bitchy, and so mean that you wonder if she's got a telephone pole up her ass or something. Like tonight..I can admit I'm a kid at heart at Christmas, I love the presents and the anticipation. But I am also a curious invidual with minimum tolerance for patience. Well, with that curiousity level so high, I am of course still going nuts trying to figure out what my husband bought today. Well wouldn't you know my mother would hear and would start her bitching. She said I was ruining Christmas for her by being so curious and wanting to know what I am wanting to get so badly. Umm I thought people liked it when the people they were buying presents for were SO curious and just going nuts wondering what they were getting. I know I do. My mother apparently doesn't think about the things she says sometimes. If she did maybe she'd see how much it hurts. Some of the things, I just ignore, what adult doesn't ignore their parents sometimes. Some teenagers too. But there are those little things that just really bother me and the only thing that stops me from crying is that I don't want to do it in front of anyone else. My husband is the only person I will let see me cry. Call it an ego thing if you want. But that's just the way I am.