My Mother's Lump
2001-11-27 - 4:56 p.m.
What do you do when you find out your mother has a lump?? I got told a few minutes ago by my mother that she has a lump on her collarbone. She said she's had it almost 2 weeks. It's starting to go down and is smaller. She's not worried, her doctor isn't too worried. But I am. I'm thisclose to crying. I can't lose my mother. She's a pain sometimes but I still love her. I'm scared. It's not fair. You should be able to live to 100 years old then you die. I feel like I'm in shock, unsure of what to say or do in regards to it. If there was nothing to worry about why didn't she tell me sooner?? My mother and I haven't always been close and I hate that right now. Words I've said in the past, things I didn't do that I probably should have are rushing into my mind. I feel like a terrible daughter. Please God. Let her be ok. I feel like a little girl. Doesn't matter that I'm the age I am now, or if I was 17, or 2. It's going to feel the same way if something really is wrong with her. I have tears in my eyes, and I don't know what to say next. I should eat something. I've only eaten a few chips and a little dip. Probably not good. My husband fixed me something to eat but I feel so numb I don't know if I can eat. I guess I should try. My mother won't go to the doctor unless it gets worse. I wish she'd go on. She had an appointment today but since it's gotten a little smaller she changed her mind. That's stupid in my opinion. She called her doctor and told him about it, he didn't seem too concerned. Idiot. I would have told her to come on in anyways. Took her 2 weeks apparently just to get this appointment and she cancels it, with the doctor's blessing. Doctors suck sometimes. My apologizes to any doctors who are reading this and are actually good doctors. My eyes are getting heavier with tears. I can't write anymore right now. I'm sorry.
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