Tonight I got reminded just why I limit contact with a majority of my relatives. I spoke with one of my aunts tonight whom I haven't seen nor spoken with in quite some time. She had called my father and we had dropped by and my father asked her if she wanted to talk to me. She said yes and I went and talked to her for about 20 minutes. The conversation was going well. I barely heard her part of the time but what I did hear did make me rethink my opinion of the woman. She's my father's sister and having that title gives her several interesting stories about my father. A few of which I was told.

Hearing about my father was amusing but one part of the conversation bothered me. She asked me when me and my husband were going to make her a great aunt. She said it was "long overdue" that we make her one. As if I needed to hear that. I hear from so many of my relatives that we need to have kids right now that it's becoming a big factor in why I don't associate with them.

My husband and I of course want kids. We want them very much. We just want the time when we have them to be the right time. Last time I was pregnant it wasn't planned and it threw us for a loop. We don't want it to be that way with the next one. When we got married we both said we wanted to be emotionally ready, financially ready, and the place we live in to be big enough for a baby. Well, I'd say emotionally we both are, and financially we're on the right track. As for having a big enough place, that's coming. We're going to buy either a house or get a much bigger apartment within the next 1-2 years. Hopefully this year. The way my relatives talk, it sounds like they are saying "Oh, it doesn't matter if you're ready or not, just have kids so we can 'oohh' and 'aahh' at them and we can tease your parents that they are now grandparents." Is it so bad that we want to wait until the time is right?? Sure we could have started trying for another baby right after we lost the last one, but it wouldn't have been the right time. We both want the children we have to have the best lives possible. They won't get that in a one bedroom apartment. Sure we could move while I'm pregnant. *sarcastic tone* I'm sure my husband wouldn't mind doing all the packing and moving himself. We could get a new place after the baby is born. I personally think it would be a bit hard looking for a house and taking care of a newborn at the same time but what do I know??

Anyways..if that wasn't bad enough my aunt and I continued talking about babies. I told her we almost made her a great aunt 2 years ago. It shouldn't come as too much of a surprise but she didn't know about that baby. Here's how that conversation went: (What's written in Italic is my thoughts on what was said)

ME: Well you know, we almost made you a great aunt. I thought maybe she knew. My parents haven't told me how many people they have told and how many they haven't. Those who do know usually say "Yeah..I know." and that's it. They usually quickly change the subject.

HER: What??

ME: We almost made you a great aunt. I was pregnant 2 years ago. Part me was actually hoping she knew this.

HER: Well what happened to it?? Gee woman what do you think happened?? If I had an abortion, do you think I'd be telling you about it?? Do you think we've got the baby hidden??

ME: Well...I lost the baby. Geez, that sucks to say sometimes.

HER: Oh, I didn't know. *Sigh* Well, there went my hoping she knew. Why are my parents treating my daughter like some government cover-up?? It's really starting to bother me.

ME: Well, I was in my 4th month. That still bothers me that I got that far just to lose the baby.

HER: Aww...half way there. Thank you very much, dear aunt. That's just what I needed to hear.

ME: Yeah..I thought I was passed worrying about miscarrying and then I started bleeding and it took me nearly a month to lose the baby. I was bedridden for awhile. That's the shortened more pleasant version. It doesn't even really compare to the hell it really was.

HER: That's rough. No, I really didn't know. *Sigh* Apparently.

ME: I'm not too sure how many people do know. Sad that I don't know huh?? My parents refuse to tell me who they tell unless I flat out ask. That's not exactly the kind of question you discuss during a visit. I can't just say "So..mom..how many people know about my daughter that I lost 2 years ago??" Besides I already asked and she never gave me a real answer. The only way I can find out who does know is by casually mentioning it and see if they know. If they do know as I said I have to get the "Yeah I know" and then a quick subject change or I wind up having to tell them all about it.

HER: Well don't you worry, I won't tell anyone. Excuse me?? What makes her think I don't want people to know?? Sheesh, a miscarriage isn't something that you just pretend never happened. There isn't a note on the experience that says "Confidential".

ME: If you want to tell people, go ahead..it doesn't bother me. Tell anyone you want. Why would I care who knew??

HER: Well SOME people in this family like to gossip and start rumors about things and people, but I just want you to know I'm not like that, so don't worry, your secret is safe with me. Ok..excuse me..but huh?? What is she saying exactly?? That some of my relatives at finding out about my daughter is going to go around and say "Hey guess what..did you hear about (my name)?? SHE had a miscarriage. Pass it on but you didn't hear it from me." Or maybe something to the effect of "Hey how do you think her miscarriage REALLY happened??" *wink* *wink* "Maybe she was on drugs or drinking....do you think her husband was even the father??" I thought that kind of talk went out when using your brain became a necessity.

ME: It really is ok to tell if you want.

HER: Ok.

I then went on to tell her about one of my other aunts' reactions was to finding out. You know the one who said "Well you will start trying again right??" My aunt on the phone laughed and said "Yep that sounds like her." She then went on telling me about this aunt who is her sister by the way. It sounded like she was trying to get me not to like this other aunt. Well then the subject went back to babies and she asked what we planned to name our children. I told her and she liked one we have picked for a girl the most.

You know, it's not that I hate my relatives. It's just that..I don't know how to talk to them or if I want to sometimes. Most of them are just so mean and judgemental sometimes. They make it extremly hard to like them or even want to be in the same room with them. My aunts have always treated me like a child. When I talk about my aunts here I'm referring to my father's sisters. He has more than 2..a lot more than 2 actually. My aunt that I talked to tonight was right about one thing. A lot of my aunts like to get together and talk about each other and other members of the family. That's one thing that's always annoyed me. They're also a bit on the critical side.

My aunt that I talked to tonight wants my husband and me to visit her sometime. I suggested she come here which was probably better than saying the truth which is I don't know her address. She said she had my phone number. How I'm not sure. I originally thought she got it from my parents but she said she got it out of the phone book. I mentioned our listing is under my husband's name. She said "I know." She doesn't even know my husband's name, not to mention there are a lot of people with the same name. Just how did she find out which one is really us?? I guess I'll find out one day if she surprises us by calling.