Before I start this entry officially let me just say I know I didn't write a lot of entries last month. One excuse I have, however good a reason or weak a reason this is, is irrelevant. The last month or so if I get upset about something, I figure I should just wait until I calm down to write about it. However doing that sometimes makes me miss a day or forget to write about why I got upset. So from now on, if I'm near a computer, I can get on the computer and diaryland isn't down and I have something to write about, I'm going to sit down and do it.

Now with that said, I am somewhat upset now. No, that's not true, I'm really upset right now. My husband's mother is moving in a few days. She'll be over 1,000 miles away. Now I am not upset about this, in fact I've been counting down the days since she announced this. I make no secret of the fact that my mother in law makes me nervous and it's hard to like her. I try to get along with her but she's one of these people whom you can't please, never admits she's wrong, won't apologize, and insists she knows it at all. In the almost 6 years I have known her I have yet to do anything to please her. But that still hasn't stopped me from trying.

My husband wanted to visit her. Well let me take that back..he felt he should visit her. He didn't have much interest in actually WANTING to go. The topic wasn't brought up much between myself and him. However my mother knowing how I feel about my mother in law insisted on bringing it up. Everytime she did a fight would follow. You would think my mother would learn after awhile that she should just not bring it up!! She doesn't like my mother in law, she hasn't seen my mother in law since our wedding day, so why is she pushing so hard for us to visit her?? Is she sick of us already?? She says she's thinking of my husband, that she thinks he really wants to go and thinks I should hold my tongue and go.

Well, I have..most of the time..this time..I didn't really want to go. The weather isn't supposed to be too good, I'm not in a big hurry to see my mother in law and take her treatment, and the monthly visitor is supposed to arrive anytime now. Maybe I'm silly in this part but I just don't like going out of town for overnight at least when it's that time of the month. Call it pride, call it being silly, I call it saving myself from potential uncomfortablness and embarressment. Also add to the fact that I was beginning to think I was pregnant and SO not in the mood to handle stress which a visit up to his mother's always ensures.

Well my husband and I had a few fights off and on yesterday. Finally he said we weren't going. Now I do feel guilty for that. He's not going to see his mother for awhile but he never really expressed much interest in going. His main reason for going was "it's the right thing to do". Although he says he's fine with not going, I still feel guilty. Granted I gave him a hard time about it, because I really didn't want to go. I told him I'd go for him, and I apologized if I guilted him into it. He said no. Did I have something to do with him saying no?? Probably, and I hate it. He should see his mother, I'm not trying to ban him from seeing his mother. But does her having the title as his mother give her the right to rip me apart whenever she feels like it??

My husband said he was in a tight spot, because he didn't want to put me thru what she does but at the same time he felt he should go up there. I didn't really see his side until after he said we weren't going to go. Once he said we weren't going it hit me like a bolt of lightning or a sharp pain in the head. I've spent the last 12 hours (ok not consistantly because we did sleep) telling him we'll go and to call his mother. Yet it's not working. I don't want to be the reason he doesn't see his mother. Even if the woman is a..well..we won't go there. I'm taking a bit of comfort in the fact that he had no real interest in wanting to go. But it doesn't stop the guilt. Damn why can't his mother lighten up and be nice??

I told my mother off..well..sort of. She came over and was saying that I needed to just go so I'll look good and she'll look bad. Maybe it's just me, but does it sound like my mother is saying to set his mother up, knowing she'll show her ass, just go so you can stand and grin while she's acting like a bitch. That's not really a good reason to go. Besides she's already shown her ass in front of my husband. My mother was going on and on blaming me for this and that, saying I was being mean and selfish. She even tried to censor my language. You believe this?? She was trying to lecture me on cussing at my own house!! She cusses whenever she wants, and says every word in the book, but thinks she can censor me at my own home!! Get serious!! Well I heard about all I wanted and I said "Screw You". Something else meant to come out but it didn't. She then refused to leave. Luckily she was in her car so I told my husband she was refusing to leave, so he got the keys, we went outside, got in a car and left her sitting there. She waited awhile then left.

My husband and I have of course made up and I still feel guilty which I probably will for awhile. The monthly visitor is 4 days late and considering I started taking birth control pills last month I thought I might be pregnant. So stupid me, goes to a store, spends 13 dollars on a pregnancy test and takes it at about 5am this morning just to find out it's negative. 13 dollars to piss on a plastic stick then stare at one line on it. So that just adds to my day. I have heard birth control pills make you late..well apparently they have. Damn pills..I've never hated pills as much as I do these.

I've taken several pregnancy tests over the years. Obviously one has come up positive. Anyone who has taken a pregnancy test can probably relate to what I am saying. They really need to make these things easier. To you guys out there, you think you have it easy don't you?? All you have to do is sit and wait for the results. However us girls have to take the test out, and figure out a way to complete the test without grossing ourselves out too much and at the same time get it to work right. There are several ways which I won't bore anyone with and believe me I've tried many of them. When it comes to taking pregnancy tests, I'd rather have a doctor draw blood to find out then go thru those pregnancy tests.

They act like they are SO easy on those commericals. Contrary to I'm sure popular belief, they do make a mess. You can either hold the test for 3 minutes, meanwhile getting some of the..how should I say this..specimen on you or you can place it down somewhere like a counter then just clean the counter. That is of course if you can get enough to actually make the test work. Of course you can't forget the most obvious question of all..which one do you buy to begin with?? Do you buy the well known one that the money you spend on it could buy you and another person dinner out or do you buy the kind that no one has heard about but it's got a good price on it?? We've bought both. Looking at the box to this First Response test I just realized something. I didn't buy a pregnancy test..I bought 2 seconds of advertising for the company that made this test.

I've also noticed that on all pregnancy tests comes with a little booklet on how to take the test. It even has pictures..actually it's drawings that don't look like a person, more like a manniquin with a stick underneath it. Also, the weird words they use. Urine stream for example. I mean come on now..it's not like a woman's urine is going to turn into a body of water that you see on a map. Yeah I guess mine would be listed as the November River. Absorbent Tip..hmm..something about that just doesn't sound right. There's even a diagram of the pregnancy test, labeling each thing. I feel like I'm in Sex Education class.

Added to yesterday's events with my mother and the almost visit to my mother in law, and that I was so stupid when we got this, I thought it said two tests..and the fact that the test came up negative. Yes I'm disappointed about it. Although I'm sure my mother will be thrilled. We told her there was a chance I was. She labeled it a "potential problem" and didn't want to talk about it. She also said "Well I don't think you are, there is no chance of it." I said "You have to admit there's at least a 1% chance". She was like "That's all there is." Well silly me I thought being late on a period would make it a bit higher than 1 but what the hell do I know?? My husband isn't disappointed, he's made no secret of the fact he wants us to be in our own house before we have a baby. Makes sense..and in ways I'm not too disappointed. But in others I am. I think this means that I shouldn't watch "A Baby Story" for awhile. I used to like that show, now all it does is serve as a reminder. A reminder I don't really need.

So do I sound angry, pissed off, annoyed and a couple other words I could think up if I actually cared to?? Maybe..I don't know..but I'm not going to just not write an entry because I'm not in the best of moods. Also this entry is a bit longer than I thought it would be but oh well..if anyone is still reading this it must have been somewhat interesting for whoever is reading to keep reading.