Christmas Eve is finally here. All the movies are on, decorations that are going to be put up are up, the eggnog is bought and presents have been bought. I got the Christmas spirit back but in some ways I'm a little sad. I went looking for news articles online earlier tonight to see if anything intersting had happened in the world that I needed to be aware of. On the front page of CNN's website is a title of an article that got me a little upset. The title of it was: "Kids spend Christmas without parents lost at WTC"

That title wasn't what I was expecting but I guess considering the events in the world over the past year I should have. It made me think about a friend of mine who lost her father a few years ago on Christmas Eve. She told me a few weeks ago that this was the first Christmas in a very long time where she was actually looking forward to Christmas. She even said she felt like she was back into the Christmas spirit. I always worry a little about her around Christmas. Her and her father were very close and she took his death extremely hard.

My husband, me and my parents went around looking at Christmas lights. It's a Christmas Eve tradition. Sometimes we do it on other nights but we always do it on Christmas Eve. During the drive I thought about my friend's father..another friend of mine who died this year, my cat that died this year and my dog that died last year, my mother's best friend who died this passed summer, and of course I thought about my little girl that we lost last year.

My elderly neighbor who was like a grandmother to me enjoyed Christmas. She'd set up a little cereamic tree that had lights in them and you plug it up and the lights glow and shine. It was SO pretty. My mother had made it for her years ago.

Sitting here writing reminds me of a year ago tonight. I stayed up all night online talking to friends and my cat was wandering the house like the curious cat he was. I picked him up and petted him some and he laid on my lap for awhile. I had that cat for so many years and in so many ways thought he'd live forever. I mean, I knew the cat couldn't live forever, and I knew there would be a day when my cat would die. But I would always think to myself "My cat isn't dead today, so I'm not going to worry about it." I grew up with that cat and he was like a child to me. I sometimes think about my cat buried in the back yard of the house I grew up in. I wonder if it was the right thing to do. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad my cat is buried in a place where I can visit him whenever I want. But..for some reason I feel guilty having my cat be in that cold ground all the time. I always made sure he was never outside when it was dark and would keep him in when it was cold. He was a good cat, although he'd say he was a "good human" which he firmly believed he was.

Well, hopefully I haven't depressed anyone, even though this journal has got me a little more sad then I was before I started it. I guess talking about the people and animals did it. I'll be ok. I just need some cuddling with my husband and watch "A Christmas Story" a few times and I'll be back into the spirit.

Merry Christmas Everyone & Remember, If You Don't Get Everything You Wanted For Christmas, Think About The Things You Did Get & What You Have Before Complaining. :))