Am I Selfish??
2001-11-25 - 6:24 p.m.
Am I selfish?? I didn't used to think so. But sometimes, every now and then, I can't help but wonder. I don't want to be selfish, I do my best not to be selfish, and with alot of people I'm not selfish. With my husband, I'm always putting him first. If I am selfish I'm not totally to blame. I am an only child and my parents did spoil me. My mother spoiled me with love and material things. My father, well, not nearly the same way. His time was spent to his interests and friends. It hurt but I got over it. I guess. Did I?? In some ways I feel I have in others, I don't know. I'm convinced to this day my father wanted a boy. Mostly because growing up, he'd always dress me as a boy, and fix my hair to look like a boy. I had long hair but he would put it in a ponytail and stuff it inside an old baseball hat, then every now and then pull a very few strands of hair down. He'd take me with him sometimes to see his friends and have me memorize a bunch of sports stats so he could ask me questions on the things I memorized so he could impress his buddies. He always made sure I had every question/answer memorized. Such as, who plays for what team, what number car does his nascar driver drive, what kind of car is it, who sponsers it. You get the idea. I didn't mind, it made my father happy and impressed his friends. Not to mention it was one of the few things my father would do where he would involve me. My parents both worked alternate shifts so I was passed around between them. She'd get off at in the morning, he'd be going to work in the morning and vice versa. Sometimes he'd go out at night while she worked and I was home alone. I enjoyed it sometimes. Other times it got kind of lonely. My mother would make it up to me by buying me video games, letting me rent movies and such. It was nice at times. So maybe if I am selfish, it's because they would buy me things all the time. And now as an adult, I still expect it of them. I don't know. I don't really expect them to buy me things all the time, I stopped that when I moved out and moved in with my husband. But for Christmas and my birthday I will ask them for a few things, who doesn't?? Is it selfish to ask for alot of things for Christmas?? Kids always made a list of things they wanted Santa to bring them and that list would usually get long..do you think any of them ever got their list sent back with a note saying "Don't be selfish." My mother calls me selfish sometimes. It hurts but I don't let on. Not that I am complaining about the things my parents buy me for Christmas or what anyone gets me for Christmas. It's just that..I don't expect to get everything for Christmas that I ask for, I'm just listing things I can think I want or need. My mother asks what do I WANT for Christmas, not what I'm expecting her to get, or that I'm demanding it, she just asks what do I want. Should I just not say anything from now on??
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