Well it's happened. My father's new obsession has ticked me off. Awhile back I mentioned in here how my father was going to take a class on my birthday that would last all day until 5. He alleged that the class wouldn't be offered any other time. I found that very hard to believe but I didn't raise too much of a fuss over it.

Last week at my parents' anniversary dinner I asked my father about the class and he said "I don't know if I'm going to do it now, depends on if I get asked to do another shift driving." Now my father is getting really obsessed with this driving, in fact he's taking as many shifts driving as they will allow. That comment he made really upset me. He said before he had to take that class and that he couldn't not go to it for my birthday but if he's offered a chance to drive a few hours he would give up the class for that??!! Hello!! Am I the only one who finds a problem with that??

I got really upset and he got up to get another plate and I asked my mother about it and she didn't seem overly concerned. She just said "That's probably not what he meant." Well my father comes back to the table and I ask him about it. He starts getting mad at me!! He said "I don't know if I'll be taking the class or not but if I can get out of it you know I will, I'm not going to miss your birthday." Pardon while I temporarily gag on whatever it was I was currently eating at the time. He's not going to miss my birthday?!!? He's done it before, why put my birthday on his priority list now??

Last night or the night before I find out that my father's class has been cancelled. That's good right?? You would think so!! You would think that would say he's going to actually be there for my birthday. But..alas..not quite. He announced afterwards that he's taking a shift to drive a bus the night of my birthday. His excuse is that although it's on my birthday it's not until later in the day. Funny..how he went on saying that being at the class until 5 was no big deal because he'd have plenty of time being there on my birthday, but now that he'll be driving that bus in the later part of the day it's like "I'll be there for plenty of it, there's not much left on your birthday then anyways."

I shouldn't be upset..I really shouldn't. My birthday has never been a big deal to my father. He's been out of town on my birthday to go to stupid sporting events. Well okay they aren't stupid but when compared to a child's birthday they are stupid. The events weren't even playoffs or anything close to that, just like regular races that are on dozens of times. Do birthdays just not mean anything to him?? I mean my father chose to spend his 50th birthday working all day then going to go referee a ballgame at night. We didn't see him even for a second.

I know my father's new career means a lot to him and I'm glad he's so happy doing it. But it seems like that's all that matters to him right now. He's either driving the bus or talking about the bus or trying to talk us into riding it again. He tells us in detail how the bus looks, how long it is, his routes, everything.

Sometimes I wish I meant half as much to my father as driving that bus does. I've never really believed I meant much to him. He used to freak out if I even teased about driving one of his trucks over the years. He still won't let me or my husband drive it. While I was growing up he was going to games all the time, and going out of town with his other friends and their familes. Granted he went with my mother and me to places but it seemed like he went with others more. Anytime I tried to talk to him about anything he'd always say "Talk to your mother about that." Sometimes when he'd take me somewhere where they had a basketball court he'd play basketball with me briefly but if some guys came up he'd tell me to go sit somewhere and watch while he went to go play a game with them. He barely talks to my husband and me when we go over there. He'll talk briefly to us if he's passing thru or wants one of us to get the other out of his den. My mother says that's our fault, that we don't include him in anything. That is SO not true. I've asked him to play board games and card games when we play them, I go in the den and talk to him for a couple minutes just about everytime we go over there and he's there, we ask him to go shopping with us..just what are we supposed to do?? Just completely take over his den and spend every second we're there in there with him every time we go over there?? When does he make an effort to get involved in things we're doing or spend much time with us?? Usually if he comes in the living room where the rest of us are it's to either to show off a new jacket or hat he's gotten, get on the computer, talk to my mother, complain about something my husband and I did that pissed him off, or go thru the mail or papers he's looking at.

After I lost my daughter my father didn't speak to me or even look at me for months. My husband even noticed this. My father did his best to avoid me as much as possible. I never got the words "I'm sorry" from him in regards to the baby or even him acknowledging the baby's existance. It was like I didn't exist in his eyes and he wanted to keep the illusion going that I didn't.

It's ironic..my husband's father was working a lot and usually out of the country working while he was growing up, my father was home almost every day and my husband and I both have about the same relationship with our fathers. Which translates into almost strangers.