My sister in law usually ignores everyone whenever anyone visits. Last time I saw her the only thing she said was "I'm fine." during the entire time we visited and that was because I asked how she was. Not to mention she disowned my husband a few months ago because he didn't respond to every single joke she sent by e-mail. She then proceeded to tell my mother in law I hated her, (mother in law) which wasn't true believe it or not.

I don't hate my mother in law..I just can't figure out why she hates me. She decided to hate me before meeting me mostly because I'm 10 years younger than my husband. She then has find other things to hold against me but won't give an exact reason. She told my husband when I lost the baby "are you sure she was even pregnant to begin with??" And I know she thought I was faking the pregnancy. We told her how offended we got by her saying that..she said she wasn't talking about it..nor did she apologize when she knew how hurt I was by what she said. Then told me last year that even though I was 21 at the time, I was "too young to carry a baby to term". Yet she had a baby at 20 and my sister in law had one at 18 she says this. If you ask me it sounds like a cut about my age. Other than that she tries to turn my husband against me, even wrote him an e-mail asking him to leave me, saying she'd pick him up, they'd go across the country and it would be just the two of them. She also said not to tell me and that they'd go December 26th. This was a few years ago...but still. Also according to her it's all my fault we don't visit more. She also ignores me, doesn't even say "hello or "goodbye". Not to mention she looks at me as if she's trying to recognize me from "America's Most Wanted".

Not to mention with this anxiety disorder..I still get nervous, I have anxiety attacks, and sometimes outbursts when I get too edgy and just blow up, I'm in a major depression still, I'm already going to be depressed over Christmas thinking about the baby, my mother in law has said she's not getting anyone except our neice, anything for Christmas, it's 5-6 hours there, 5-6 hours back in the winter, and it's going to be that time of the month around that time. Oh yeah..I REALLY want to go there for Christmas and go thru all that. Note the sarcasm.

My husband wants to go and I'm telling him I REALLY don't want to go but because I love my husband I would go. Although I won't be happy about it and I can tell I'm going to be depressed as hell during that visit and dreading it until then. I SO don't want to go. But if we don't go, I'll feel guilty. He hasn't spent Christmas with his family since 1998. That's not entirely my fault. They treat stray animals better than me, and in 2000 (when we were going to probably go) it wasn't long after we had lost the baby and I really wasn't in the mood to go, especially since my mother in law had a foster child who was still technically a baby during that time.

What's the right answer?? Like I said if we don't go, I'll feel guilty, my husband will be upset, and my in laws will say it's all my fault. If we do go, I'll be miserable, my husband says he'll feel guilty for making me go, I might have an anxiety attack or outburst in front of them and they can use that against me, not to mention I'll basically be ignored the whole time and I'll be blamed for letting myself be ignored and not speaking up. My in laws already hold it against me that I was so shy the first couple times we visited them that I didn't talk much. Well actually my mother in law holds it against me. She said I was being rude and showing no interest in getting along. She's also upset with me for my husband and I being too tired after a long day of driving to go out to dinner. Something that happened several years ago. Yeah sure..whatever excuse to hate me right??

My husband and I have repeatedly asked my mother in law why she hates me. Her response is always "I'm not talking about that." Well why the hell not?!??! Maybe because you have no reason and you just want to be a bitch, or maybe the reason is so petty we'll think you're being a bitch over something stupid.

I lose either way. Either I get my way and I feel guilty while he's upset, or he gets his way but he feels guilty and I wind up miserable. I think in law stands for:

Oh did I forget to mention I'm not considered part of the family according to my mother in law?? She always refers to it as THEIR family, always wants just him to visit, not me. Also during a visit when my husband's parents were coming to announce they were separating, (yet they share a house and he sends her all his paychecks and they haven't filed for divorce and never will) she told my husband "Don't tell (my name) this. This is a private family matter." This was of course awhile after my husband and I had gotten married.

I've heard all the reasons my mother in law probably hates me. I took her little boy away..she's not the most important woman in his life..we live so far away, he's the youngest, the other son died and now she's very protective of him..I've heard them all. Maybe she's seeing how much I can take before I say "Screw it" and walk out of the marriage. Well sorry, that's not going to happen. It's weird..she likes and treats my sister in law's ex husband with respect and they've been divorced for years and he wasn't exactly Mr. Perfect Law Abiding Citizen.

My own mother suggested letting my husband go himself..yeah right. My husband and I haven't spent a day a single day apart since we moved in together and we have NO intention of starting now. We have both said we'd both be miserable if we tried that.

Now call me crazy but just once I'd love to spend Christmas at home. Just my husband, myself and Oscar (our cat we got this Summer). Is that bad??

My husband will give in if I push my case enough but that won't make me feel any better. He understands how I feel and I understand how he feels. What the hell is the right answer?!?!?!

Can I hit a wall or something?? Please!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe a windshield would work. Never mind..I don't feel like having to spend the money to get a new one.