We're at my parents' house. I should have known coming over here was a mistake. Well my husband has gone over 2 hours without smoking. Not by his choosing completely. More like I got worried at hearing him cough like crazy so I took his cigarettes and hid them and he didn't try to stop me. Well my mother is saying if my husband starts smoking again he should try to cut back or he'll have breathing problems. Well I got worried at hearing that. Who the hell wouldn't?? Well I got bitched at by my mother. She rolls her eyes when I say I can't help being worried. She even responds with a "of course not." Hello!! I have a fucking anxiety disorder. Worring and getting nervous beyond your control is part of it damn it!! Well then my husband joins in and tells me to drop it. Yet he doesn't say anything to my mother. Well excuse me but how is that fair?? I get worried at hearing what she says, she decides to bitch at me, roll her eyes like I'm some idiot and it's MY fault?!?! Well excuse the fuck out of me!!

I get bitched at by both of them because I was allegedly keeping the fighting going. Well hey I wasn't the one who brought it up. So let's see..if I bring up something I get bitched at..I get worried..I get bitched at..I keep it going to try to get my mother to say what she meant and if my husband is okay..I get bitched at. How the fuck do you win?!!?!!

A few minutes later, I calm down a little and I ask if my husband is going to have problems later on. My mother rolls her eyes again, and says she misspoke. That she just meant if he smoked a lot for a longer period of time HE could have problems LATER on but it's not definite or not very likely. Well gee you know she could have said that sooner while I was getting worried and upset because SHE didn't say something right!! However she does bitch again. So let's see..not only does she bitch at me even though SHE started it but now I am being bitched at because I get upset over something SHE said but apparently didn't mean to say. Well of course..everything is my fault..doesn't everyone know that?? You know all those tornadoes, earthquakes, and hurricanes that happen?? Those are my fault too...just like everything else in the world. Maybe I should make sure my alibi on the day of the Challenger explosion is air tight before someone tries to blame me for that too!!

My mother's opinion of my anxiety disorder is that it is bullshit. She rolls her eyes and is convinced I can help all of it and that it is just a ploy for attention. Gee it must be nice to be under the impression that you know everything.

I am SO close to crying right now it's not even funny. But I can't..because then I'll just get bitched at and said I'm overreacting or trying to get attention. I guess it's never even entered into my mother's brain that maybe SHE could be a factor of my anxiety disorder. Noooooo...not my innocent mother who is always right and never does anything wrong!!!

You know..I thought writing this entry would calm me down but all it's done has got me madder than I was before I started. I need a punching bag. Maybe I should ask for one for Christmas.