I've never denied that I had faults. What is the point of denying them?? If you deny them, then you can't try to fix them. One of the faults I know I have, well it's not really a fault, more like a complaint about myself is my weight. My husband doesn't think there's anything wrong with it but I've hated it for a long time.

I get on a scale less than once a week, and each time I do the number seems to be different. I've either lost a pound or gained a pound. If I've gained a pound then I'm upset that I gained that pound, if I've lost it, I'm happy that I lost it but still a little unhappy that my weight is what it is. I make no secret of the fact that I don't like my weight. Especially to my mother and my husband. My husband being the sweetie that he is says I don't need to lose weight and that I look perfect.

My mother on the other hand is not as sweet and supportive. She gives the usual advice "If you don't like your weight, go on a diet." Nothing wrong with that. What bothers me is little comments she unleashes on me. For example last night my husband, me and my mother went out. We went to Wal-Mart and it was in the evening and silly me hadn't eaten all day and I was getting hungry. I walked over to the deli and picked up a couple of doughnuts. When I came back, my husband gave me a couple dollars and went outside to wait for us and to have a cigarette. My mother saw the doughnuts and started on comments. She said I would gain weight, that it had so many calories, that I'd be as big as a barn. Comments that she knows upset me. After several minutes of the comments I just thought "Screw it" and walked away, and put the doughnuts back and walked out. What really annoyed me as well was that she had in her cart SIX doughnuts then had the nerve to criticize my buying less than that. I went outside, told my husband what happened and he said I had a right to be upset. Well if that wasn't bad enough my mother walked out eating one of the doughnuts she had bought. I couldn't believe when she did that. I was almost in tears walking to the car. Not for her eating that doughnut in front of me afterwards but the comments she made. Those comments she makes have been upsetting me for years. It's like she doesn't think I realize the calories that go into things.

I wonder sometimes if my hatred for my weight is because of the comments my mother had made over the years. Growing up she would get all these fattening things and regular sodas, but would make comments if I went near them. She used to make faces and gestuers when I would gain a single ounce. Her comments range from "You're going to be as big as a barn." and calling me names. She used to tell me when I was younger when I'd walk thru the kitchen that I was vibrating the kitchen with how big I was and how hard I walked. It was later found out that the floor in the kitchen wasn't as intact as it should have been and it would cause the room to shake a little when ANYONE would walk on it not just me.

I used to hate to have to try on things in the dressing rooms in stores. My mother would go in the dressing room with me most of the time and would tell me to hurry up and saying I needed to get my "fat ass" in them. So many times I have cried over the comments she's dished out to me. I know I shouldn't let them bother me but they do. She knows it too. I've never been able to just ignore comments about my weight because I am very sensitive about it.

I went on a diet in high school. Let's just say I went too far with it and it made me anemic. My husband broke me of the diet and everytime I mention a diet he worries I'll go too far again. It was a diet that consisted of only eating 1,000 calories a day. I know I shouldn't go back on that diet but I have to admit though, that sometimes I do get tempted to.